It’s been a while since I experienced overt racism but today, while working remotely in the Morden Costa coffee shop, a man sitting a few tables away from me, shouted “Hey, CHINA man”, trying to get my attention. After I ignored him, he followed with shouting out a few expletives, then proceeded to step outside the front door, temporarily leaving his belongings behind.

I felt in my body my subjective unit of distress (SUD) increase.

I recognized I was distressed but could not immediately pinpoint my primary emotion. So I immediately applied the STOP distress tolerance skill: the goal is not to improve the situation, but not make it worst. And the reason I decided to just momentarily pause was because I had the thought to dart over to him and confront him, the urge to dangle my index finger in his face, wanting some sort of physical altercation.

Now, in this moment, I recognize the primary emotion: anger.

I felt injustice. Is it valid? Yes. Is the anger justified? Yes. And at the same time, acting on the anger would NOT be effective. That it, it would not be aligned with my long term values.

After allowing a few minutes to pass, it’s now obvious that this man is either drunk (or on some other substance) and/or dealing with mental health issues. I’m in this moment, typing this, practicing compassion, trying to look beyond his visible behavior and give him the benefit. Of course, I would physically protect myself should he approach me and I felt like I couldn’t avoid, but I don’t feel that that’s the case.