Like many others walking this earth, I am currently in a state of transition. The divorce (which started last November) is almost coming to an end (won’t be diving into it here since the topic itself deserves its own post) and I’m finding myself constantly asking the following two questions:
- What do you want to do?
- What do you NOT want to do?
As Kit Laughlin shared in his podcast interview, the latter question is just as effective. By practicing asking yourself daily, I believe that I’m inching myself towards (for lack of a better word) actualization.
At the moment, here’s what I don’t want to do:
- Go back and work full time in technology – whether the role is a leadership role (VP of Engineering) or senior software engineer, I’d like to (if possible) work part-time, anywhere between 15-20 hours per week. With the remainder of time, I’d like to work on my own projects
Yesterday
- Elliott after school pick up
- “Dad, this is a great place to do a pistol squat” – this brought me so much joy because sometimes, when I’m out and about with her, I’ll practice a pistol squat and cannot believe that this stuck with her
- She asked me to tell her (almost every day) more spooky stories
- Proud of her when she used the word “bittersweet” – When I touched her hands, I noticed her skin was softer (she had what we thought was a genetic skin condition) and she told me that the medicine she’s taking makes her feel bittersweet and I was so proud of her usage of language (as a almost 5 year old) and asked her where she heard that word and she said, “You taught me Daddy”. I felt proud for both myself and her.
- I fell asleep while watching Netflix with her – While watching Netflix Super Kitties TV show that I projected onto the ceiling, I fell asleep while laying next to her and woke up about 45 minutes later, just in time for her mom to pick her up
- Continuing practiced teaching Elliott how to ride her (her words: adult) bicycle with two wheels. I’m treading the line between encouragement and pressuring since I do not want her feel like she “has to” learn how to ride a bicycle since I consider the activity right now a source of joy
- Dance practice
- Drilled the last 8 count steps from Ani’s class – heel toe, pivot heel toe, toe tap
- Practiced Pas De Bourrée variations that I came up with, looping the certain parts of the movement, achieving a sort of flow state. I’m starting to feel more comfortable with leaning into my own creativity
Today
- Mavinga responded to my inquiry regarding 1:1 private dance lessons and she stepped through my Google Document that outlines my dance goals
- She said (in a kind way I feel) that she’ll train me military style, the same way she trains with her Belgian friends. I’m all in and excited at the opportunity. We are working out logistics right now
- When she vocalized (in her own words) my goals, she said so you want to dance at a professional level. At first I felt a bit embarrassed, took a deep breathe in and, actually, yes, I do want to dance at a highest level: for me I’m not forcing or pushing myself. I am building a relationship with dance and curious as to if I can actualize the visions I have of me dancing
- Stretched for about 30 minutes
- Worked my lats
- Yamuna ball for my chest and shoulders
Plans
- Take a scheduled call with a tax attorney
- Take a scheduled call with some executives from White Space, a company that I’m considering consulting for on a part time basis as a VP of engineering
- Delete AWS Resources for my Crossbill account since I’ve seen bills come in at hundreds of dollars, resources that I’m not using. So just tearing down various resources that have been neglected
- Attend Dance Class with Jevan at Base Dance studios at 5:30pm
- Pick up groceries in Wimbledon (from M&S) since I have Elliott this weekend and she loves (just like me) bolongese with pasta