Initially woke up at 4:00am and felt it was a bit too early so gently put myself back to sleep with a couple deep breathes. It’s now 5:18am and feel much more fresh. I have about an hour and 45 minutes (maybe less) before Elliott wakes up. As a single dad who has his daughter alternating weekends, I maximize my time with by giving her mostly my full attention, although there are moments where I need a few minutes to myself throughout the day, especially when there’s conflict between us (which is normal) and me taking a step back to inhale a few deep breathes gives just enough pause so that I can behave as a parent in a way that’s consistent with my long term values.

Yesterday

• Woke up early yesterday and took advantage of the 90 minutes or so writing a daily review
• Played slime with her and it was originally completely stuck to my hand before the slime activator kicked in
• Before heading off to the festival, Elliott asked if we could practice her riding her bicycle. I’m continuing to use this technique that another parent suggested, where you wrap a sweater around their waist as to avoid having to bend your back the entire time. On Friday, I had used my very expensive sweater and regret doing that because that small amount of time wrapped around Elliott’s waist ended up stretching my sweater. So now I use a scarf.
• Took Elliott to this AMAZING day festival
• Elliott snapped a few photos of me with the digital single lens reflex (DSLR) camera and she already (like most kids, I would imagine) developing this creative perspective. I also was impressed and proud that a couple of the photos that she had taken were not blurry (like the featured image on this post)
• I had setup the movie “Inside out 2” for Elliott on the projector while I stretched my quads for about 10 minutes, then joined her to watch before the two of us fell asleep
• I felt so much love and joy at random moments yesterday, including her just coming up to me while I was walking towards the bathroom and then grabbed me, kissed me on the forehead and said, “I love you dad” and then nonchalantly walked away. She’ll never realize, or won’t realize for a long time until she’s much older, how much these little moments mean to me
• Some of the stuff she says absolutely lights me up like, when I taught her yesterday what was “Come as you are”, a term from the house dance community, and she said, that kind of reminds her of “Become yourself” which to me, are strikingly similar.
• Another favorite moment of mine was while we were at the daytime festival, the two of us were at a jewelry vendor and both trying on different rings. There’s several subtle, unobservable from the outside, things that I love about this moment. Though I felt the beginnings of anxiousness that Elliott, about to turn 5, would lose or knock over some rings, I just took a deep breath and practiced that even if she did, that happens to all of us. I quieted my mind, quieted my sensitive to people’s opinion, and continued on. At the same time, I recognize that not all little children are mature enough to be playing with jewelry and perhaps that might make the seller nervous but all turned out well and in the end, Elliott walked away with a toe ring (others were too small) wrapped out her cute little index finger
• I felt a little disappointed in myself for a short period as a dad when it was lunch time and ordered us Indian food but it ended up being too spicy for Elliott and so she was hungry and because the lines were so long, I quickly got her a doughnut just to satiate her for a couple minutes (it’s not that nutritious) then stood in line for mac n’ cheese, which ended up being really really delicious (albeit expensive for a kid’s portion). Note to self: pack (more) snacks cause you never know when food lines are going to be wrapped out the corner and although as an adult I can wait, it must be challenging for little bodies who are not accustomed to the hunger sensation
• After lunch, Elliott and I shared a delicious double scoop ice cream, mango on top, peppermint on the bottom (I remember this little detail because the presumable manager had directed the employee who was serving us to assemble the ice cream in that order). What I also loved about this little moment was that Elliott noticed that the cone they were about to scoop the ice cream on top of was not the colorful cone (that we had paid for) and she made it a point to tell them. I’m really proud that she speaks up for herself. At the same time, sometimes the way in which she delivers her message can be a bit jarring so part of my job as a dad is to both encourage her to speak up (an area I struggled with growing up) and at the same time, do so in a way that’s more receptive then just a stating a directive.
• At the end of the daytime festival, on our way out, though we were both tired (and I was seeing if we could buy some time before heading to the Red Bull BC One breaking down the house event), I asked if she wanted to make her own T-Shirt at an arts and crafts tent. Not wanting to make assumptions, I walked up to the two staff working there and asked, “Can you explain how this works and does it cost anything?” I’m proud of myself because even these little types of interactions in the past used to give me social anxiety, sometimes the thought of “You should know better” voice in my head that probably came from a lifetime of being told that over and over from my parents (more particularly my father)
• Felt a bit disappointed that we didn’t end up going to the Redbull BC One event because I really wanted to the (house dance) community compete and Elliott was so exhausted from being out all day that I wanted to honor and respect her wishes to go home

Today

• Loose plans for Elliott to spend some time with an old classmate of hers, me and her classmate’s parents setting up a play date for the two girls
• Elliott will be returning back to her mom at 5pm tonight