To me, I like to think I’m somewhat self-aware (who doesn’t think that about themselves but according to one study, only 10-15% are actually self-aware). But from my own perspective, it does not seem abnormal — to me — to remember little details of conversations. That being said, about at least 3 times in the past week, people have commented on my ability to remember certain conversations.
But what motivates me to remember? It it acceptance, the desire for social approval? What is it, exactly?
Honestly, I don’t think my ability to remember conversations is innate and rather a skill that I have developed over the years. I recall in my early 20s, reading Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence people” and though the details are now fuzzy, I recall that book having a profound impact on me and the way I interact with others, a mindful approach to developing relationships. Dale Carnegie emphasized the importance of listening with one’s full attention. As such, when I am engaged in a conversation with others, I really make an effort: I make eye contact, I validate (when appropriate), and ask questions (driven from my high need for curiosity).
Last night, I was at a dance event in Shoreditch and was having a 1:1 conversation with Francesa; I had asked her about her upcoming trip to New York to celebrate her 30th birthday. She was a bit surprised and said something along the lines of, “wow — you have good memory”. Now, as mentioned earlier, I get that type of comment pretty often. In this specific instance, here’s why I think I remember her sharing that with me:
- the first time I had met her and
- as a house dancer, New York is considered the mecca of the dance style and
- Turning 30 is a big milestone that’s worthy of celebrating