For about 8 years, I was a ghost on social media. The time period is about 2014-2022.
No Instagram.
No Twitter.
Nothing (OK fine, LinkedIn but that’s really for professional development).
I deliberately shut myself offline. I had deactivated and deleted both my Instagram and Facebook profile, losing all the connections I had previously made over the years. I had taken this (what I consider) all or nothing stance, prioritizing and valuing privacy without fully considering the implications. I also believed, at the time, as many others do, that the online connections held no value.
However, in retrospect, like everything else in life, there’s a price to pay. On some level, I lost staying looped into what my friends and family were up to. Similarly, they lost touch with what was going on in my world. Yes, I concede there are other mechanisms for spreading life updates but the reality is that social media can be very effective in this regards.
To be clear: having an online profile does not automatically imply that you are social.
Having a profile does not imply you are connected and plugged into your community, into your friend’s lives.
In my opinion, that social capital is gained through showing up and interacting with others. Consistently. There’s no substitute for cumulative interactions.
And through consistent interactions with others, you start to develop trust with others, which is hard earned as an outsider, a role that I’m all too familiar with as someone who not only moved around significantly throughout my childhood (e.g. 5 different schools over 6 years) — something I’d like unpack in another post
Also, “showing up” takes many forms. A warm hug. Sipping a tea with a friend. Throwing your arms around a friend or family member when they are experiencing grief or sadness.
Quite frankly, the in person experience cannot be replaced. The human touch cannot be emulated.
However, short of that, there are other opportunities to cultivate friendships.
Sending voice messages.
Talking on the phone.
Sending text messages.
Again, there’s nuance and multiplicity in building your own social fabric, your own connected world.
So, back to participating in social media. I have my own intentions and want to (continue) using social media with some intention. Aware that the way in which I use social media may evolve over time, here’s how I practice social media right now:
- Showcase what’s going on in my life
- Share local events that I plan on attending
- Share other friends posts/stories that I find interesting, inspirational, admiring
The reason I post about my life is the same reason I follow along other’s updates: to either get acquainted with their life and stay plugged in.
Whether it’s a Instagram story or Instagram post, I get just enough insight into some other person’s life and that can compel me to reach out to them. Generally speaking, people tend to share about things that they value (or disgust them). In this way, when I find people who share similar values, I more inclined to build a real life connection with them.
Second, ever since I could get my hand on a camcorder, I’ve been recording videos and snapping photos. In fact, I have footage of me learning how to break dance when I was about 9 years old. I have footage of the last moments with me and my uncle before he passed away from a long battle of cancer.
I love capturing and showcasing what I consider beautiful (this reminds me of “American Beauty”). I equally enjoy giving people a platform to showcase themselves.
Third, learning how to stay on my own two feet and building a practice of fighting FOPO, as Michael Gervais calls it, fear of other people’s opinion. This deserves an article blog post on its own because I am actively working on reducing my sensitive to both
- other people’s acceptance of me and
- other people’s rejection of me
Two sides of the same coin. Though my sensitivity to other’s opinions has driven me in ways that I am grateful for, it’s limited me in more ways than one: going for things I want despite people disapproving it, shooting my shot (with people or opportunities) that I otherwise would not go for out of fear.
Anyways, just my .02 at 5:30 am on a Saturday morning, typing quietly as possible, breathing like a mouse, as to not wake up Elliott up who is bound to wake up in the next hour.