Matt Chung's Site

Author: mattchung

  • Dance practice log – reflection

    Starting a couple weeks ago, I changed the way I approach dance training, particular when training by myself.

    • Sometimes I used the mirror, sometimes I do not – I have mentioned this to some others that the mirror can become a crutch, could end up maladaptive, where we are overly relying on the mirror, which of course is not always available
    • I perform a “warm up” before
    • I’m able to train longer before – my physical endurance has improved. I’m not talking about cardiovascular. I’m talking about my muscles (particularly leg muscles) sustaining longer amount of time dancing. There have been sessions where I wanted to train more but was hitting limits on my physical ability
    • I find it sometimes lack the motivation to start the training – but as soon as begin, I’m locked in … in the zone.
    • I enjoy watching back the footage, often surprised that my creativity lead to something that I consider beautiful
    • I’ve been reviewing my footage with the hopes of using it as input for future dance sessions – whenever I see something (e.g. right arm stiff) that I want to work on, I’d like to write it down and feed the feedback to future dance trainings
    • My body is getting stronger and I’m able to train longer and longer
    • Leg muscles hate the exercise of quickly

    December 04, 2024

    What did I work on?

    What are my areas of growth?

    • Staying on time when performing loose leg with toe tap – Loose leg to toe tap and then was initially struggling to catch the next beginning four count

    December 06, 2024

    What did I work on?

    • Some moves from Jevan’s choreography from this past Thursday

    I started uploading my entire dance trainings onto YouTube (as unlisted, since they are primary for my own eyes).

    Although I keep a dance journal (using Obsidian), it’s not well maintained. I’d like to keep an online dance journal primarily for myself, and secondarily for anyone who finds the act of practicing as enjoyable as performing.

    What are some things that creativity sparked something beautiful?

    • 3 counts of 1/16th cross step with an 8 count pause to the other side
    • Transition from dodger into swirl – totally unexpected and felt awkward but when looking back at the footage, looks quite aesthetic
    • Dodger on one side repeatedly
    • Musicality with pas de bourree with a hop – still struggled with initially translating what I heard into what I was moving
    • For the setup, I cut some piece of it and repeated it, jumping two half circles

    Where are my areas of growth?

    • Right arm a bit stiff when dancing
    • Stiffness in arms asymmetrical when dancing
    • Continue practice holding the count longer, especially for pas de bourree and cross step, the standard groove I tend to rush past
    • When performing head isolation left and right, chin is sometimes too far out, pull back towards center (which looks like the appropriate resting position though it feels like I’m pulling back too far despite the positioning looking more aesthetic and correct)
    • My shoulders are quite stiff, hunched forward
  • Weekly Review – November 25th to December 02

    Weekly Review – November 25th to December 02

    Normally, I conduct my weekly reviews on Sunday, on a weekend where I am less pressed for time, a period of time that I can sit down and reflect. However, I had Elliott this past weekend — at the moment, alternating weekends — and by the end of Sunday evening, at 5:00pm, when her mother picks her up, I’m drained with energy. Long story short: better now than never.

    I remember experiencing joy this past Tuesday, sitting in an office located in central London, my client’s office where I’m currently working as a consultant for the next 3 months. Though my social contact needs are low, I enjoyed not only the technical banter, but discussions on stretching and calisthenics.

    From Friday afternoon to Sunday evening, I had Elliott (video clip below). When I’m with my daughter, there are so many tiny moments where I feel both love and joy. In the little moments, like when I am washing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen and she’s sitting in the same area, the two of us talking while she’s coloring in. And I also experience so many micro proud moments, proud of both her and proud of myself. For instance, I taught her how to use the laptop and how to press down “command + P” followed by the “RETURN” key, enabling her to print out her own connect the dot worksheets.

    Another moment I really enjoyed was having lunch with her in Chinatown. Drawing inspiration from another parent, I bought a memory game from Amazon and carry it along with me in my backpack, busting it out when her and I have a moment to ourselves. What was so sweet was that when we got to the restaurant, because we go there about every weekend when I have her, the employees already know our order (i.e. chicken chow mein, dim sum platter, pork bao). What’s more is that another employee stopped by our table and played the memory game with us, despite Elliott being unsure with what they were doing since the older woman spoke with broken English.

    On Sunday evening, after Elliott left, I danced and trained (video clip below). One primary intention that I had set prior to performing the dance specific exercises was holding certain positions longer. There’s this tendency I have to move to the next beat before the current beat fully finishes, and as such, people have told me (numerous of times, number of people) that I am “rushing”. They’re not wrong. So during this instance of the exercise, particularly on the “third” rhythm, I held the final foot positioning for a fraction of second longer and looking back at the footage, just that extra moment in time makes the movement and transition much more clear.

  • Reflection on attending a parenting workshop on boundaries

    I signed up for a parenting workshop hosted by my daughter’s (Steiner based) school, a workshop on setting and applying boundaries. Though I have an aversion to authority in general — I value and have a high need for independence — I showed up in the space with an open mind and open heart and learned that there’s a subtle difference between authoritarian and (“positive”) / authoritarian parenting. According to the workshop, we want to move away from the former (authoritarian) and towards the latter (“positive” / authoritarian).

    Here’s what I learned

    • A four quadrant analysis with firm and nurturing
      • Permissive Parenting (high nurture, low firm)
      • Neglectful/Uninvolved (low nurture, low firm)
      • Authoritarian Parenting (high firm, high nurture)
      • Positive/Authoritative Parenting (high nurture, high firm)
    • Learned that I have a tendency to sometimes fall into the Permissive quadrant, my default state

    What I enjoyed

    • Breakout groups – listening to some other parents friends and being self aware of their own shortcomings (we all have them)

    Some criticisms

    • Elements of the workshop felt a bit dogmatic
    • Several assumptions and implicit values and beliefs
    • Viewed through a “western” lens and failed to consider cultural context
    • Instances of binary thinking – lacks nuance. Giving kids options “You get to choose X or choose Y” to me lacks imagination
    • I had asked the moderator what their definition of “a boundary” was and she continued to defer to the “books” – I asked this question not to be contentious but I had observed that some of the examples in the pamphlet were not necessarily boundaries (according to my definition of a boundary, the definition I learned from Dr. Becky Kennedy) and were merely requests. For instance, “Call me at 12:00 or setup a time with your dad to pick you up.” Where in here is the boundary? If a child neither calls at midnight nor communicates with their father, what is the consequence of their (in)action?

    Finally, though it was uncomfortable being in the same space as my ex (I had invited her to the workshop in spirit of centering our daughter Elliott), ultimately think both her and I could learn more for Elliott. And overall, though I picked up a few good tools that I’ll practice (lots of overlap with DBT, especially resemblance with “cope ahead” tools), overall I felt the workshop was a bit dogmatic.

  • Musicality Exercise – Dancing on the high hat

    Below is a YouTube tutorial I made for some house dance friends, showing them an exercise on how to not only dance on the high hat, but to transition between the kick, the high hat, and back to the kick.

    I learned the core exercise from Walid, who taught a group of us the exercise during a workshop that took place in London. Though heavily inspired by his teaching, I made some changes that I think provides more clarity:

    • Counting on the high hat – in the third set of pas de bourée, we’re dancing on the high hat. The way Walid taught us to count was “and one and, and two and, and three and” which is totally valid however, I’m counting it as follows “and one and, and three and, and five and, and seven and”, giving us (or me) a clear understanding of where I am at relative to the eight count
    • Annotating with a piece of paper – during the workshop, there were no visualizations. So I added my own annotation (as you can see in the video)
    • Adding my own interpretation of ending on on the 7 beat – Though we can immediately transition to the high hat from any down beat, I believe in the second round, the reason we end on the 7 beat and transition to the high on the “and” of the 8 downbeat is because 1.5 counts of “time” gives us ample time to prepare ourselves physically and mentally to transition

    Exercise Description

    Short version:

    • Dance 8 counts of pas de bouree, starting on the “1” downbeat
    • Skip the “1” of the second 8 count, and dance 6 counts of pas de bouree, starting on the “2” downbeat
    • Start on the “and” of the 8 beat (from the last round of pas de bouree)

  • Gold nuggets on developing self confidence

    Developing confidence is an area that I naturally find myself gravitating towards. I find the whole topic fascinating and ironic because I feel confident in some areas in my life while feeling insecure in others.

    What’s up with that?

    Confidence: A non transferable skill and domain specific

    I recently finished a book titled “Mastery: The first rule of mastery: Stop worrying about what other people think” and currently working through (a library rented copy of) “How Confidence Works” by Ian Robertson. In “How Confidence Works”, Ian Robertson states that confidence is domain specific and that confidence itself is NOT transferable.

    In other words, just because you are confident in area A (e.g. dance) does not mean you are inherently confident in area B (e.g. public speaking). While it can be a trait, self-confidence has more to do with competence within a specific domain.

    For instance, you can be the most confident dancer, able to effortless dance in front of a large audience, and then feel absolutely unsure and insecure and terrified when it comes to dating! It follows that building confidence is a skill that is transferable across domains (more on this below — see Gold Nuggets below)

    All all that brings me to “paradox of rising expectations.”

    In a nutshell, when it comes to setting goals, an individual’s goal post continues to move. That is, what often happen is that once we reach out goal(s), here’s a natural tendency to set another (typically more ambitious) goal. It’s a recursive, infinite loop: set goal, achieve goal, set goal, achieve goal.

    Gold nuggets extracted from conversation with Jo-L

    I followed up with Jo-L over Instagram, sending him a few voice messages, asking him a few follow up questions. Here are some pearls of wisdom I extracted from the conversation:

    • “Confidence is a product of the effort ….”
    • “I’m not talking about the outcome…the outcome is a completely different story … I am putting myself in this position and I am trying. And that means no matter the outcome, I can try again. And I can go again. I am gaining confidence in the fact that I am putting myself in this position. And this is something that is transferable.”
    • “If I’m capable of putting myself here — of trying this out — I am capable of trying something new out. If I am capable of mastering this … then I have the capacity to master something else.”
    • “You’re not mastering the craft. You’re mastering yourself WITHIN the craft”
    • “Every single time you master yourself within the craft, you’re also learning a lot about yourself that’s going to be useful in the pursuit of mastering yourself within another craft.”
  • Vibing with Xinobi’s “Searching for” song

    Vibing with Xinobi’s “Searching for” song

    I’ve been listening — on repeat – to the song “Xinobi – Searching for”, one that was suggested by Spotify. It’s not only the melody and harmony but it’s the lyrics, the lyrics cause me to turn inwards, to introspect. Just so many beautiful lines including:

    • “It is about the mind. How it grows progressively. What do you feed it?”
    • “It is about choices much it is about decisions. But it is about having bravery and the strength to make those things come to fruition”
    • “… the past repeats itself. So how will you choose to repeat yourself…”

    Another reason I love this song is that this past weekend, Elliott out of the blue said, “What are you feeding your mind?”

    I was confused as to why she had said this and she responded with, “Dad, remember? The song?”

    I was blown away at her ability to recall the lyrics! So when I hear this song, I often think about Elliott and that little passing moment.

    Lyrics

    It is about what you feel, what you do
    How you choose to present yourself when the situation requires you
    It is about what you’re looking for, what you search for
    It is not about fulfillment, but it is about what is missing
    How do you improve? How do you progress?
    Are you searching?

    It is about the mind
    How it grows progressively
    What do you feed it?
    How do you cultivate the mind?

    It is about the galaxies and the stars
    But not so much about the moon as much as it is about you

    It is about choices much is it about decisions
    But it is about having the bravery and the strength
    To make those things come to fruition
    What is it you’re searching for?

    It is about a pause, a break
    A interruption in the transmission
    A stop in the space-time continuum
    A choice that you will always make
    A moment in being when you realize
    That you are what you are searching for
    So, I will ask: what is it you are searching for?

    It is about infinite tomorrows
    But is also about yesterdays and how the past repeats itself
    So how will you choose to repeat yourself in their lives?

    It is about now
    It is about then
    What is it you are searching for?
    What is it you are searching for?
    Is it the now? Is it the no? Is it the yes?
    Is it that subsequent “I love you” that you need?
    What is it you are searching for?
    What is it you are searching for?

  • On experiencing joy and love when watching my own recap videos

    On the days I don’t see Elliott (my beautiful 5 year old daughter), I often find myself (re)watching recap videos of us on my iPhone, short little clips that I stitch together to capture a moment in time, a snapshot aimed to honor our relationship (as well as share with some friends and family).

    Right now, I’m sitting at a café located near her school; I’m working remotely and just sent off a proposal for a 3 month engagement, now getting ready to grab a bite to eat before walking over to school to pick her up. And while watching the video below, I sensed a wave of calm and love and joy, these emotions washing over me.

    In this video clip, she’s sitting on my lap as I feed her pasta that I had picked up from M&S, the two of us singing along to Dua Lipa’s “Levitating” performance that’s taking place on Tiny Desk.

  • Human limits and the 40% rule

    I was on the phone yesterday with my sister and during our chat, she shared one of her beliefs: that we (as humans) can achieve whatever we set our mind to — that we were “limitless.” It’s a growth mind set, one that I myself subscribe to.

    Generally speaking, I agree with the spirit of her message and, at the risk of sounding like I missed the mark, I’ll add my own perspective: though each of us are born with our own set of unique limits and constraints, I believe that we operate far below our human potential.

    My opinion reminds me of an excerpt from a book I’m reading, a book on developing self confidence. The author shared one Navy Seal’s (who I later learned was David Goggins) position:

    He would say that when your mind is telling you you’re done, you’re really only 40 percent done. And he had a motto: If it doesn’t suck we don’t do it. And that was his way of forcing us to get uncomfortable to figure out what our baseline was and what our comfort level was and just turning it upside-down

    In other words, when we feel like throwing in the towel, we probably have a lot more to give.

    Recently, I started training with Mavinga on leveling up my house dance. And unlike other 1:1 privates that I’ve done, she starts off our lessons with (what I consider) fairly vigorous exercises and she programs them into intervals. At the tail end of some rounds, I find myself completely gassed out, the look on my face conveying that I’m reading to throw in the towel. Practically every time she sees my facial expression melt into despair, she shouts in her French accent: “Allez Allez — let’s go let’s go. It’s in your mind.”

    When I hear those words, I get a burst of motivation and push and somehow always end up coming out the other side. With the above Navy Seal’s “40% rule” in mind, I wonder if — during the moments of despair — if I am operating at even a lower percentage, like 20 or 30%!

    Of course there’s a fine line to walk. I do not want to push myself to the point of physical injury. However, I feel fairly confident and safe to push myself when I’m feeling muscle fatigued or out of breathe.

  • Photography patience

    Photography patience

    I was gifted a Canon DSLR when I was about 16. I remember being so eager to take “beautiful photos”. I remember purchasing a couple DVDs, my hope then was that after an hour or two I could begin taking photos that were similar to the ones that I admired. But quickly I found out that after setting the mode to manual, the photos were overexposed, blurry — not at all what I had envisioned. Shortly after, I gave up and more or less never really picked the camera back up, my frustration getting the best of me.

    Fast forward to today, 20 years plus later, I’m resetting my expectations and my relationship with the craft of photography and mindset has changed. I actually don’t think I’ll capture “good” photos for many years to come. I’m a beginner and there’s going to be a phase of years where I have good taste, but lack the technique:

    I recognize there’s so much to learn. As of now, I’m hearing the following phrases pop up a lot. I’m watching YouTube videos (had signed up for a course that unfortunately was cancelled the day before it started):

    • Composition
    • Aperture
    • F-Stop
    • Exposure
    • ISO
    • White balance

    This is at the very tip of the iceberg. I’m certain there is a voluminous amount of knowledge for me to acquire.

    Also, at 36, I’m recognizing that so much of how I want to spend my days is more or less interests I’ve had since I was a young boy. For example, dance. I love dancing when I was about 10 or 11 and 25 years later, here I am, honing the craft, taking two dance classes a week, practicing on evenings when I’m alone and don’t have my daughter to look after.

    Anyways, I digress.

    Ultimately, through photography and other mediums (including video) I want to continue story telling.

  • Daily Review – November 6th, 2024

    Daily Review – November 6th, 2024

    I’m winding down for the night, in the bed with my Macbook Pro, and just before drafting up this blog post, I snapped a few photos with my DSLR to practice my photography skills. I was really looking forward to taking this 5 week photography course. I was looking forward to it and disappointed that I’m no longer going to be taking this class. On the other hand, my routine of taking house dance classes on Thursday night continues!

    So above, I set the featured image to a photo I had snapped this evening. This picture is the result of using “Manual” mode on my DSLR, me practicing playing with the various parameters including F-Stop, Shutter Speed, Exposure.

    Today

    • Stretched in the morning – today’s routine (of my custom block I programmed for myself) consisted of targeting the calves and ankles (really really challenging and particularly painful), followed by some squat exercises
    • Took the 93 bus to Wimbledon and then posted a quick Instagram story, sharing a screenshot of Apple Notes – I had shared a funny situation I witnessed while on the bus, one between a father sending empty threats to his 4 year old son, only for the son to call his dad’s bluff
    • Opened up a ticket with AWS Support – I am consulting for a company in the UK and after unblocking them on an issue they’ve been stuck on for 3 weeks, I decided to wrap up the engagement by finding a long term solution to an AWS Amplify issue that’s preventing them from using the latest version of the AWS Amplify command line interface (CLI)
    • Picked up Elliott from school at 2:00pm – because the weather suddenly got cold, I was way under dressed so we went back to my flat to pick up a jacket. Since we had some time to kill, I set her up with her sticker book that we had picked up this past weekend and then we watched “Sing Thriller”, a show she said she saw advertised on Netflix. Elliott and I used to watch the movie “Sing” all the time when she was an infant.