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  • House Dance Class (August 13, 2024) – Review and Reflection

    House Dance Class (August 13, 2024) – Review and Reflection

    Below is a short review and recap of Ani’s house dance class (beginner/intermediate) that takes place in London every Tuesday night at 6:00pm over at Pineapple Studio. Though I enjoy taking this class every Tuesday, this instance of the class was special because my friend Will (from Seattle, who was visiting London) joined me and I felt so much joy to dance with a friend who I trained with back home.

    Class Recap

    • Warm up with foundational move (Jack) and other foundations
    • Practice several combos that are part of larger choreography
    • Freestyle Exercise (Rhythm based) with partner
    • Choreography – Difficulty for me was 6.8 / 10

    Freestyle Exercise

    In terms of difficulty, I found this exercise 10/10. I struggled and fumbled hard, since its really one of the first times I was consciously trying to dance to a different, prescribed rhythm. Normally, whenever I freestyle, I just kind of go rogue and do whatever I feel like. Of course, sometimes that’s totally normal, especially in a social dance scene (e.g. clubbing). However, consciously dancing to a particular rhythm requires a totally different set of skills. This deliberate practice of dancing to a specific rhythm (see below) tripped me up and for the first few rounds and all I was sustain throughout the exercise was more or less stepping in place and even that in itself overwhelmed me.

    The count itself was as follows:

    1 2 – +4 5+ 6+ 7 8

    Separately, as a result of the frustration I felt during the class, the next morning when I woke up, I ended downloading, installing, and learning Music Score to reproduce the rhythm (this in itself was good practice) and slapped my hands together (more on this in a different blog post).

    Choreography

    This section serves several purposes.

    First, allows me to practice my mental recall. I’m about 4 months into taking choreography classes and my retention is slowly improving. When I took my first choreo class back in April, I fumbled and could barely retain anymore than 2 eight counts and I remembering feeling so frustrating during that first class and a level of resignation.

    Second, when I want to refer back to this choreo and practice it, I can. Despite the written choreo below not being precise, I believe that I will be able to practice so as long as its accompanied with the video (below).

    So be forewarned, the choreography is not completely accurate and fails to include the counts. That being said, here it is:

    Shuffle variation (left side)
    Pow wow to the front
    Pow wow to the back
    Shuffle variation (again) left side
    Pow wow to the front – slight variation here and instead of kicking out right leg stick it to the ground and reduce the count
    Tap the right foot
    Drag – left leg around and hold for 2 counts
    Step left foot out
    Get into farmer position with right leg bent
    Tilt the right hip out and forward – at the same time, shift body weight leftwards back
    Return and neutral position
    Step right leg back
    Step left foot back and toe tap

    Transition into squat position
    Spin left
    Land in pas de bourree position
    Pas de bourree to the right but kick out with the left foot
    Land and transition into loose leg
    Loose leg with jump kick variation (right side)
    Loose leg with variation (see new moves section below)
    Loose leg with variation to the right
    Continue pivoting on right foot for rest of the count
    Jack for four bars (i.e. 2 eight counts)
    Heel Toe right side
    Heel Toe right side
    Heel Toe left side (with head tilt)
    Heel Toe left side

    Areas I want to practice

    • (Continue to) Increase Hip Extension mobility – I felt tight in this line, especially when kicking the leg behind me
    • Spin move itself – When Ani was spinning, I noticed how her left leg (right leg was the base we were spinning on) was bent at a clean 90 degree angle and left knee cap was tucked behind her right knee cap
    • Spin transitition into the pas de bourree position
    • Heel Toe with head tilt – could not land this during class and could line up the counts
    • Loose leg variation with pivoting on base leg – this was a variation I’ve never seen before and I really enjoyed the smoothness and aesthetic of it
  • House Dance Class Recap – Review and Reflection

    House Dance Class Recap – Review and Reflection

    Class Details

    Location: Base Dance Studios (in London, by Vauxhall station)
    Date/Time: August 08, 2024 @ 5:30pm-6:55pm (85 minutes)
    Overall class difficulty: 5 out of 10
    Combo difficulty: 6 out of 10
    Freestyle exercise? Yes

    Overview

    This blog post serves multiple purposes.

    First, it helps me experience gratitude. Attending this class is one of the ways I squeeze in (my low desire of) socializing with folks who share similar values (e.g. physical activity, curiosity, social contact)

    Second, the post may motivate someone to take the class and perhaps they are on the fence and want to gain a little insight into what will be learned.

    Third, this post is a form of reflection, allowing me to contemplate what moves and exercises I want to continue practicing.

    The class agenda was as follows:

    1. Warm up – often my favorite part of the class and I incorporate the moves into my freestyle rounds
    2. Short combination – consisted of the chase, loose legs, dodger, former, tic tac toe (variation) and side walk (variation)
    3. Freestyle partner exercise – each of us took turns with the (above) combination
    4. Cypher – we formed a larger circle (still only consisting of 4 individuals) and exchanged with one another

    To get a glimpse of what the class looked like, here’s a little reel I put together that’s part and parcel of my dance journey log.

    Combo: Chase, Loose Legs, Farmer, Dodger, Tic Tac Toe, Side Walk

    Overall, I felt the difficulty of the combo was 6 out of 10. The reason for the somewhat higher than average difficulty is because I was unfamiliar with the tic tac toe and side walk variation. Outside of these two moves, I was familiar with the other foundational moves (e.g. chase, loose legs, farmer).

    Combo Breakdown

    Chase (right)
    Chase (left)
    Chase (right)
    Chase (left)

    Loose leg (right)
    Loose leg (left)
    Loose leg (right)
    Loose leg (left)

    Dodger (left)
    Dodger (right)
    Dodger (left)
    Dodger (right)

    Farmer (right)
    Farmer (left)
    Farmer (right)
    Farmer (left)
    Farmer (right)
    Farmer (left)
    Farmer (right)
    Farmer (left)

    Farmer variation syncopated (right)
    Farmer variation syncopated (left)

    Tic Tac Toe variation (right)
    Tic Tac Toe variation (left)

    Side walk variation (left)
    Side walk variation (right)

    Areas of growth

    As mentioned above, classes reveal what areas I’d like to work on (there are many). Here are the ones that I struggled with:

    • Tic Tac Toe – Not only was the positioning of the feet challenging, but the groove and body positioning felt foreign
    • Transition from dodger (last one) to the tic tac toe – while the dodger move itself was not challenging, theh transition out of this move INTO the tic tac toe tripped me up
    • The side walk variation – Jevan loves this move and it’s a variation that I haven’t been able to stick for months. In fact, I struggle with this almost every class in which this move is part of the combo. My body is accustomed to a familiar move: the pow wow. That move has been committed to muscle memory so my body wants to default to the pow wow.
    • The farmer – Though it is considered foundational and something I’ve thrown in rounds before, I’m not quite confident with the timing and feels a bit “off beat”
    • Syncopated Loose Leg – fan of this variation that he introduced, the first time I’ve danced the move

    Freestyle exercise

    The freestyle exercise was essentially partnering up with one other person in class and each of us taking turns to perform the freestyle.

    After each of performed our combo, our partner would then offer

    1. A positive comment pointing out what they liked out of round and
    2. An area of growth.

    For me, the positive comment I received was that my loose legs were the “loosest loose legs” and that it was sublime. For the area of growth, she pointed out my farmer. Though she wasn’t able to precisely offer feedback, I felt even within my body that I was not stretching out the entire downbeat.

    Closing – dancing for others AND dancing for self

    In a nutshell, you can BOTH dance (for yourself) and perform (for others) — at the same time.

    Most of the classes I’ve taken in the United States emphasize that house is a feeling. Instructors often encourage students to NOT perform and instead, dance … to be free. While this belief resonates with me, I find that this assertion can sometimes unintentionally invalidate another aspect of dance: performing.

    What I appreciated about what Jevan said was that freestyling is both dancing for yourself AND a performance. I believe the two — dancing for self and dancing for otthers — can (and do) co-exist.

    Sometimes I dance without the idea of performance and consider these times rare, consider them “catching the ghost”. Othertimes I’m a bit too in my mind and I find that I am performing. Often, it’s a combination of dancing for self AND for others.

  • Waves of Focus – POET compass

    POET compass is a mnemonic that I learned about from the Waves of Focus online course and its a tool that’s designed for qualitatively assessing how well something (e.g. physical, digital) is organized.

    Note: I’m currently enrolled in Kourosh’s Waves of Focus program. It’s an online course focused on individuals with the wandering mind, helping us build tools and skills to organize our personal and professional work and help us with, for lack of a better word, “productivity”. In reality, I believe this course has just as much to do with gaining skills to deal with difficult, often negative, emotions like anxiety and frustration. I’ll probably post a series of entries about this program in more depth however in the meantime, I wanted to write to just share a little about one of the tools: POET compass.

    What is POET?

    • P – presents well (on time and clear)
    • O – out of the way (invisible)
    • E – easy to use/get to (instant)
    • T – trusted (off of mind)

    Although POET is used to measure how well something is organized, you can equally and similarly evaluate if something is disorganized. We can ask ourselves, “Is it hard to use (or get to), is something in the way, does it not come to mind (when we need it), am I worried about it (too much on the mind”. These questions stem from frustration and out of frustration, we seek organization.

    In another post, I’ll elaborate more on each of the measurements above and what sort of questions we may want to further ask ourselves when we are working on organizing. Finally, what I really love about this entire module (on beginnings of organization) is that the notion of organization is not defined as a black or white, a binary. It’s not “yes, it is organized” or “no, it is not organized.” In fact, organization is not even consider a spectrum and instead, it is defined as something with an infinite number of possibilities. It’s a much more functional and compassionate approach to organization.

  • Mystique (family dog): 1 year remembrance

    Mystique (family dog): 1 year remembrance

    It’s been one year since you left us and moved on to doggy heaven. I miss you so much. I feel a bit guilty about forgetting the day of your passing and what sparked the memory was me scrolling through my YouTube video archive and noticed the title of the video: July 29, 2023 – Mystique’s departure.

    Last year, I received a text message from Myles (our brother), him letting me know that that you, our family dog, (about 16 years old) was suffering and that the family had decided it was finally time to put you down. Immediately I felt a wave of grief wash over me. I was both ready and not ready for this day.

    They had booked a vet to come to the house so that you could leave us with some grace and dignity, not in some vet’s office that seems … just so clinical. Because of how much I love you (and I know how much you love me), I couldn’t bear the thought of you leaving this world without me being there physically for you in those last moments. So I had asked mom if she could postpone the vet appointment by 1 day, allowing me to hop on the next plane from Seattle and get down to Los Angeles. And so she was willing and I’m so grateful I was able to spend those last moments with you.

  • On practicing repair with my daughter

    On practicing repair with my daughter

    I value the act of repairing relationships after experiencing conflict, especially with my daughter. Repair as a concept was something I learned after stumbling on Dr. Becky Kennedy’s TED Talk titled “The most important parenting strategy.” The premise is simple: as parents we are imperfect (on the daily I practice unlearning perfectionism). And as imperfect parents, we are bound to mess, to fumble, to falter. And for this reason, when we do fall short with our loved ones, we can practice repairing any damage (small or large).

    I cannot recall the last time I lost my cool with Elliott.

    In her presence, I often keep my DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) skills at the fore front of my mind, frequently applying wise mind and the GIVE (Gentle, Be interested, Validate, Easy) skill: attuning to her and validating her feelings (this is especially important to me as someone who grew up and still struggles with chronic invalidation).

    Regardless of being equipped with these skills, I fell a short yesterday.

    Okay, you are NOT going to get bubble gum anymore

    Those are the words that slipped off my tongue after we missed our bus that was no more than 10 feet away from us; the bus driver and I were even making eye contact with one another, him not pulling away from the curb for as long as he could without delaying the other riders.

    Elliott had refused to hop on the bus and stood by the side of the road because she was upset and requested that we purchase bubble RIGHT then and there. When the bus had pulled away, I drew in a deep breath and sat myself down at the bus bench, not before telling Elliott we were no longer going to get bubble gum.

    Her response: Fine. I don’t want it anyways.

    That was a clue for me that I had faltered. She loves bubble gum. I know she wants it and she’s just also frustrated. How many times in our lives have we said “Fine” to our loved ones? More than I’d like to admit.

    In the moment, I experienced feelings of guilt and disappointment.

    Before spiraling down in self-shame, in the midst of it, I reminded myself: I am a good dad having a hard time. At the same time, Elliott is a good kid having a hard time.

    These days, I am practicing how to tolerate her being disappointment and want to teach how to tolerate feelings of discomfort (especially due to the link between inability to tolerate frustration and entitlement).

    In retrospect, when analyzing the chain of events, I recognize that the two of us were both struggling with the vulnerability factors: it was about 80 degrees outside, sun beaming down on us. Nobody is at their best when baking in the sun and sweaty and rushing.

    Anyways, after about 30 seconds of deep breathing, I brought my attention to my own body and during that brief moment of silence between us, I had flash backs from my own childhood, a flood of memories of my own dad refusing to talk to me after him and I had an altercation: the complete opposite of repairing a conflict. Wanting to chip away at passing down inter generational trauma, I practiced repair:

    Elliott, I know you really wanted the bubble gum and it must be so hard to wait for it until after lunch. And we agreed to get it after lunch, not before. And we just missed our bus so daddy was a bit frustrated. We will still get bubble gum after lunch and next time the bus arrive, can you help cooperate with dad and step on to it when we it’s here?

    Not the perfect sentences I’ve strung together for repair. That’s okay. I’m getting better.

    In the end, she unexpectedly threw her arms around me, held my dad and then the two of us waited at the bus stop for the next bus.

    I’m not a perfect dad. Nor am I aiming to be.

  • Stretch Therapy – Program 10 Recap (Day 76)

    Stretch Therapy – Program 10 Recap (Day 76)

    Date of stretch: July 31, 2024

    Equipment used: slider for hamstring lunge, chair, wall, yoga block

    Total exercise duration: about 20 minutes

    Thoughts: Hands down my favorite program so far. Used to hate hamstring stretches. But now that I’m able to target the muscles without experiencing sciatic nerve pain behind my knees — thanks to the adjustments — I love the muscle stretch sensation since for many years (as long as I can remember) I was unable to engage them, let alone feel them.

    Summary: I’m curious what’s the difference between the first and third hamstring exercises in terms of what muscles they target since they seem to both generally target the hamstring? Do they target different parts of the hamstring? Second question: what muscles are weak / not engaged that prevent me from pulling my heels in closer to my pelvis during the Tailor Pose? I can grip my ankles with my hands and physically drag my feet in closer to pelvis so seems like I have the range of motion but lack strength in one or more muscles. Finally, during the hamstring lunge, the bottom of my back foot started cramping and although I panicked, I paused and remained in the position (instead of rushing and backing out) and after taking a few deep breathes, the cramp spasms vanished and I was able to carry out the rest of the exercise.

    Hamstring

    • Feels like a more accessible Elephant Walk stretch
    • More tightness on the right hamstring
    • The Contract and Release (C/R) felt very strong and big sensation (not uncomfortable)

    Tailor Pose

    • Question: What muscles are weak / not engaged that prevent me from pulling my heels in closer to my pelvis? I can grip my ankles with my hands and physically drag them closer so seems like I have the flexibility but lack the strength
    • I think I am engaging the “back hip” muscles but that whole general area feels like the glutes (lack of granularity on my side)

    Wall

    • Want to spend more time on this since it feels good on the inner thighs

    Hamstring lunge

    • Right foot cramped when pulling back. Had a moment of panic and instead of rushing out of the position, I paused and took a couple deep breaths and the cramp slowly melted away and I didn’t push the stretch any further
    • Question: does this hamstring lunge target different parts of the hamstring then the first one (the chair elephant walk like exercise)
    • This exercise made me produce sweat and definitely increased my temperature
  • Foot injury and recovering from (potentially) foot poisoning

    Foot injury and recovering from (potentially) foot poisoning

    • In London, I religiously attend (House) Dance classes every Tuesday and Thursday evening. That’s my ritual
    • Unfortunately, this will be the second week that I’m not attending class due to Bunionette (i.e. Tailor’s Bunion) flaring up, me unable to bear my full weight on the left side of my foot
    • Though I’m not 100% sure, I suspect that the Tailor Bunion has less to do with overuse (that was my initial guess) and more to do with the barefoot (on hardwood) 2 hour movement / mobility workshop that coincided with the dance workshop
    • In addition to foot pain, Sunday evening I started feeling “off” in my body. Sweaty despite cool weather. When I had returned back to my flat, I had the urge to rush to the toilet and suddenly I had two back to back aggressive diarrhea, an absolute purge of whatever was in my body
    • I tried to analyze what I had eaten throughout the day and nothing out of the usual. But the one outlier was that (because I ran out of food gloves) I was handling the dog’s (raw) chicken with my bare hand (something I never do) and I suspect that (despite washing my hands) I probably flicked some raw chicken in my mouth
    • So yesterday, I practiced self-compassion because due to the stomach pain, had woken up several times throughout the night, curled up in the fetal position. So I was barely able to work (put in about 2 hours) and ended up heading to the chemist (i.e. pharmacy) and picked up Paracetamol and took it twice, 2 pills each time (4 hours apart)
    • Thankful that I didn’t have Elliott the evening I was sick otherwise I would not have been able to give her much parental attention that I’d like
  • Practicing short and simple post – Recap of today

    Practicing short and simple post – Recap of today

    In many areas of my life, I am mindfully resisting perfection. Same applies to this blog post. Instead of another post sitting in DRAFT status, I’m going to publish a post with a few bullet points:

    • Elliott woke me up a couple times throughout the night so when I woke up at 5:00 am this morning, I felt like a train hit me: I’m totally exhausted
    • She helped me make her own breakfast today – I pulled up a chair so that she could stand above the stove and I helped her pour in the eggs into the pan. Yes — cooking breakfast takes more time but I enjoy teaching her and she loves feeling involved. Also, one top of the egg omelet, we spread seaweed all over
    • We took “Racey” (her new toy remote control car I purchased her) to the park
    • Juggled three balls in the kitchen – while she was eating breakfast, I juggled and at one point, juggled two balls in one hand and she was like “wow dad!”
    • We watched parts of Toy Story – I skipped over parts I felt that would be too scary for a 4.5 year old
    • I let her watch about 45 minutes of Disney+ while I napped next to her – I was struggling, hanging on by a thread. So she sat next to me while I napped for about 30 minutes to recover from her numerous wake ups (see above)

  • Styling arms in house dance

    This morning, I re-watched a video that I recorded the night before, while practicing dancing some house dance. And what stood out to me the most was not my footwork, but my arms. In particular, something seemed “off” about the positioning of my fingers as well as the angle in my arms. Given arms is not a topic frequently covered in house dance, I decided to draw inspiration from ballet and contemporary to see what those styles teach because I’m sure there is some theory behind placing the arms in such a way that is aesthetically pleasing.

    So the main take away from watching a series of YouTube videos this morning is that:

    • Arms are always at a diagonal (even when you think they are straight)
    • Engage the shoulders
    • In ballet, elbows should be raised above wrist

    From Pole Dancing

    • Generate the movement from the shoulder blade, initiating from the back

    Contemporary

    Arms

    • Arms out to the side is not actually a straight line
    • Arms protruding slight in front of you
    • Similar concept with arms up, you want to keep the shoulder position natural and therefore keep arms out slightly in front

    Legs

    While watching the video on arms, the YouTube recommendation engine suggested a video on theory of legs which I found just as interesting

    • When extending leg out in front, lead with the knee
    • Avoid tilting the pelvis
    • Squeeze muscles of thighs and inner thighs and glutes so you are pulling / dragging the leg instead of just picking them up and plopping them

    Jazz Arms

    • When extending arms up and out, a good cue is that you should be able to see your fingers in your periphery

    Ballet

    • A couple different analogies and metaphors including squeezing your hand through a glove
    • Shaking your hand vigorously and then in the last moment, however your hand lands, that’s how it should look
    • Mind is blown right now in her statement “if you have tension in your hands it means you aren’t using your shoulder blade muscles enough”
  • Receiving end of racism: distress tolerance (STOP) skill

    Receiving end of racism: distress tolerance (STOP) skill

    It’s been a while since I experienced overt racism but today, while working remotely in the Morden Costa coffee shop, a man sitting a few tables away from me, shouted “Hey, CHINA man”, trying to get my attention. After I ignored him, he followed with shouting out a few expletives, then proceeded to step outside the front door, temporarily leaving his belongings behind.

    I felt in my body my subjective unit of distress (SUD) increase.

    I recognized I was distressed but could not immediately pinpoint my primary emotion. So I immediately applied the STOP distress tolerance skill: the goal is not to improve the situation, but not make it worst. And the reason I decided to just momentarily pause was because I had the thought to dart over to him and confront him, the urge to dangle my index finger in his face, wanting some sort of physical altercation.

    Now, in this moment, I recognize the primary emotion: anger.

    I felt injustice. Is it valid? Yes. Is the anger justified? Yes. And at the same time, acting on the anger would NOT be effective. That it, it would not be aligned with my long term values.

    After allowing a few minutes to pass, it’s now obvious that this man is either drunk (or on some other substance) and/or dealing with mental health issues. I’m in this moment, typing this, practicing compassion, trying to look beyond his visible behavior and give him the benefit. Of course, I would physically protect myself should he approach me and I felt like I couldn’t avoid, but I don’t feel that that’s the case.