Matt Chung's Site

Category: Random

  • Nose piercing bump – How I’m getting rid of it (in progress)

    I started developing a little red bump on my nose after I swapped out the stud for a hoop. On the day of the piercing swap, the piercer said, “If you end up developing a little bump — which is normal and can happen — then use bio oil.” Immediately after he swapped out the piercing, there was no bump. A little red, a little blood, a little irritated: but no bump. However, I wanted to take care of future me and was a bit anxious that a bump would develop — surprise surprise, a bump formed a couple days later — so I had proactively picked up some bio oil from local boots store in London.

    Rule #1: DO NOT F*CK with the piercing

    Although I resisted any and all urges to fiddle with the nose ring, I made the fatal mistake of using a cotton swab about 2-3 days into it. Around that time, the bump had formed a little blister and there was some residue, some dead skin, lingering on the bump. As gently as possible, I gently rubbed the dead skin off. Unfortunately, the next day, the red bump grew angry, increasing in size that was much more visible and much more embarrassing. Now, it is possible that the bump size would’ve progressed on its own but moving forwards, I had stopped using a cotton swab. Once was enough.

    My Cleaning Protocol

    1. In the morning, shower and allow hot rinse over entire face
    2. In the morning after shower, Spray saline solution directly on nose and hold cotton pad for about 5 deep breathes
    3. In the morning after saline solution, put (2) drops of bio oil on nose and hold cotton pad for about 5 deep breathes

    And just before bed, I repeated steps 2-3 in the evening again.

    Healing Journey

    Below are a couple photos I snapped over the couple weeks. At the time of this writing, 19 days have elapsed since I swapped out the nose stud for the hoop. Oh, for some context, I had the nose stud in for 3 months and 3 weeks before switching it out.

    I’ll post another update on here in about 1-2 weeks once (hopefully) the healing process has completed.

  • A cup of tea, a splash of milk, a flood of love

    A cup of tea, a splash of milk, a flood of love

    I’m feeling lots of love right now, all from flicking through my diary and unexpectedly stumbling on some stick figure drawings that my 5 year old daughter drew, along with some sentence fragments she wrote.

    For a moment, the love was overwhelming and I was on the verge of crying.

    I just fucking love my baby so much.

    Here at Tea House Theater, I’m sipping my cup of tea and currently locked, focusing on tidying up my notes since frustration was building up combined with feelings of overwhelm from some creative projects I haven’t yet realized. Often, accompanying these emotions are what feels like a dizzy amount of thoughts racing around in my head; being in this state typically brings on feelings of paralysis. Recognizing the state I am in, I reach into my backpack and pull out my journal so that I can empty out my thoughts using what the “Anchor Technique”.

    Anyways, I was flipping through pages one by one in my journal, trying to find today’s diary entry, when I stumbled on some of Elliott’s drawings. They quickly brought me to the present moment — not worrying about the past, not anxious about the future — and served as a reminder of WHY I am in London, a reminder of ONE of the (primary) reasons I breathe: to be here, for her.

    Daddy loves you Elliott.

  • Wow, you have good memory

    To me, I like to think I’m somewhat self-aware (who doesn’t think that about themselves but according to one study, only 10-15% are actually self-aware). But from my own perspective, it does not seem abnormal — to me — to remember little details of conversations. That being said, about at least 3 times in the past week, people have commented on my ability to remember certain conversations.

    But what motivates me to remember? It it acceptance, the desire for social approval? What is it, exactly?

    Honestly, I don’t think my ability to remember conversations is innate and rather a skill that I have developed over the years. I recall in my early 20s, reading Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence people” and though the details are now fuzzy, I recall that book having a profound impact on me and the way I interact with others, a mindful approach to developing relationships. Dale Carnegie emphasized the importance of listening with one’s full attention. As such, when I am engaged in a conversation with others, I really make an effort: I make eye contact, I validate (when appropriate), and ask questions (driven from my high need for curiosity).

    Last night, I was at a dance event in Shoreditch and was having a 1:1 conversation with Francesa; I had asked her about her upcoming trip to New York to celebrate her 30th birthday. She was a bit surprised and said something along the lines of, “wow — you have good memory”. Now, as mentioned earlier, I get that type of comment pretty often. In this specific instance, here’s why I think I remember her sharing that with me:

    1. the first time I had met her and
    2. as a house dancer, New York is considered the mecca of the dance style and
    3. Turning 30 is a big milestone that’s worthy of celebrating

  • A reflection on re-participating in social media

    For about 8 years, I was a ghost on social media. The time period is about 2014-2022.

    No Instagram.

    No Twitter.

    Nothing (OK fine, LinkedIn but that’s really for professional development).

    I deliberately shut myself offline. I had deactivated and deleted both my Instagram and Facebook profile, losing all the connections I had previously made over the years. I had taken this (what I consider) all or nothing stance, prioritizing and valuing privacy without fully considering the implications. I also believed, at the time, as many others do, that the online connections held no value.

    However, in retrospect, like everything else in life, there’s a price to pay. On some level, I lost staying looped into what my friends and family were up to. Similarly, they lost touch with what was going on in my world. Yes, I concede there are other mechanisms for spreading life updates but the reality is that social media can be very effective in this regards.

    To be clear: having an online profile does not automatically imply that you are social.

    Having a profile does not imply you are connected and plugged into your community, into your friend’s lives.

    In my opinion, that social capital is gained through showing up and interacting with others. Consistently. There’s no substitute for cumulative interactions.

    And through consistent interactions with others, you start to develop trust with others, which is hard earned as an outsider, a role that I’m all too familiar with as someone who not only moved around significantly throughout my childhood (e.g. 5 different schools over 6 years) — something I’d like unpack in another post

    Also, “showing up” takes many forms. A warm hug. Sipping a tea with a friend. Throwing your arms around a friend or family member when they are experiencing grief or sadness.

    Quite frankly, the in person experience cannot be replaced. The human touch cannot be emulated.

    However, short of that, there are other opportunities to cultivate friendships.

    Sending voice messages.

    Talking on the phone.

    Sending text messages.

    Again, there’s nuance and multiplicity in building your own social fabric, your own connected world.

    So, back to participating in social media. I have my own intentions and want to (continue) using social media with some intention. Aware that the way in which I use social media may evolve over time, here’s how I practice social media right now:

    • Showcase what’s going on in my life
    • Share local events that I plan on attending
    • Share other friends posts/stories that I find interesting, inspirational, admiring

    The reason I post about my life is the same reason I follow along other’s updates: to either get acquainted with their life and stay plugged in.

    Whether it’s a Instagram story or Instagram post, I get just enough insight into some other person’s life and that can compel me to reach out to them. Generally speaking, people tend to share about things that they value (or disgust them). In this way, when I find people who share similar values, I more inclined to build a real life connection with them.

    Second, ever since I could get my hand on a camcorder, I’ve been recording videos and snapping photos. In fact, I have footage of me learning how to break dance when I was about 9 years old. I have footage of the last moments with me and my uncle before he passed away from a long battle of cancer.

    I love capturing and showcasing what I consider beautiful (this reminds me of “American Beauty”). I equally enjoy giving people a platform to showcase themselves.

    Third, learning how to stay on my own two feet and building a practice of fighting FOPO, as Michael Gervais calls it, fear of other people’s opinion. This deserves an article blog post on its own because I am actively working on reducing my sensitive to both

    1. other people’s acceptance of me and
    2. other people’s rejection of me

    Two sides of the same coin. Though my sensitivity to other’s opinions has driven me in ways that I am grateful for, it’s limited me in more ways than one: going for things I want despite people disapproving it, shooting my shot (with people or opportunities) that I otherwise would not go for out of fear.

    Anyways, just my .02 at 5:30 am on a Saturday morning, typing quietly as possible, breathing like a mouse, as to not wake up Elliott up who is bound to wake up in the next hour.

  • Waking up from a nightmare at 4:00am

    When I was a young boy, from about 5 to 13 years old, I used to dream horrible nightmares that would wake me up in the middle of the night. For those 7-8 childhood years, the nightmares themselves centered around Chucky the Doll (do not recommend), a film that I had accidentally watched (a family debate still exists as to how exactly I ended up watching that but that’s neither here nor there).

    Fast forward to present day.

    I’m 36 years old, still get nightmares.

    However, these days, my nightmares are less fictitious.

    There’s no killer doll.

    There’s no spooky monster.

    There’s no serial killer.

    Instead, my nightmares revolve around more realistic scenarios.

    This nightmare from this morning in particular was a bit more plausible (not possible) scenario. In this nightmare, my (now ex) wife and I were laying in bed next to one another and I told her that I will see her in (marital) court on November 28th (in reality, this is a real date set my the court system in the United Kingdom after countless efforts with trying to resolve a financial settlement but I digress) and her response was:

    “Good luck. I’m pregnant again.”

    Even in my sleep state, the notion of being stuck in that relationship terrified and triggered me enough to the point that I shot up from my laying position, waking up, gasping for air. The idea of being stuck in a relationship from someone that I am actively trying to distance myself from gives me the chills.

    So recognizing it was way too early in the morning, I shut my eyes closed, drew in a few breathes, and gently fell back asleep for another 90 minutes, until 5:30am, my normal wake up time.

    Adult fears.

  • Why do people fall prey to pyramid schemes?

    Why do people fall prey to pyramid schemes?

    YouTube’s recommendation engine suggested that I watch a video called “The Cult of Dan Lok”. Mind you, I never even heard of Dan Lok but my intuition lead me to believe that he runs some sort of pyramid scheme. Surprise surprise: he does.

    Anyways, in the video below, a student of Dan Lok describes how he dumped $26,000 into an “exclusive” program and how in that program, at every step of the way, Dan Lok (or people working directly for him) upselled a new program, a new promise from rags to riches.

    I seriously don’t understand why and how people fall for this sort of crap. Don’t people understand that there’s no quick and easy fix for life? And anybody who is selling you that promise is probably full of shit?

    I get livid and upset that people — like Dan Lok — can take advantage of people all over the world. Granted, I understand that these victims are consenting adults but come on.

    Anyways, when some time frees up (from graduate school and work and raising a child … so never), I’d love to dig more into this subject and maybe even read a book titled: “False Profits: Seeking Financial and Spiritual Deliverance in Multi-Level Marketing and Pyramid Schemes”

  • No exercise (or tennis) this week

    I’ve been limping around for the past week, pulling a muscle in my left thigh. No fault other than my own, though. 

    One evening last week, Jess and I hit the gym together, exercising at the Northgate 24 hour fitness (which is apparently one of the more popular 24 hour fitnesses in Seattle, due to the larger floor plan and access to the wide range of newer equipment).  The two of us were standing in front of the mirrors, facing the dumbbell racks, shrugging our shoulders up and down to work our traps. After 12 shrugs, the first set was complete but out of no where, I decided to transition, without rest, directly into a new exercise that I invented on the spot: air lunges with 35 pound weights in either hand.

    So with the circular 35 pound weights dangling on the finger tips of my hands, I stepped my left foot out in front of me and lowered both my knees to 90 degree angles, pausing for a moment and inhaling deeply, and then pressed the balls of my feet into the ground to propel me against the gym floor. After a thunderous landing, I switched to the other side, my right foot now in front, repeating the same motion.

    But it only took 1 repetition of this ridiculous exercise to realize that this was a bad idea. Air lunges — without weights — already strains both the muscles in my thighs and calves, the additional weights pushing me over the edge, exceeding my pain threshold. Immediately after, I regretted my decision. Worst of all, this impromptu exercise must’ve really damaged either my ligaments or muscles or tissues (or all three) cause since then, I’be been in a fair amount of pain and unable to neither exercise nor walking normally.

    Lesson learned.

    Take it slow — I’m not 15 any more (in fact, I’m twice that age!).

  • “I’m not going to raise my kids the way my parents raised me”

    We’ve all heard people, including me, say “I’m raising my kids differently” or “I’m never going to raise my kids the way my parents raised me”. I hear that all the time. But, have you ever heard someone say “I’m going to raise my kids just like my parents raised me”.

    I doubt it.

    I’ve never heard anyone mouthed those words.

    I think it’s because we as a society often focus on all the negative ways in which our parents raised us, recalling all the drama and trauma that afflicted us. And in reaction to that trauma, we announce that we will behave differently, raise our kids differently. For example, if often goes like this: someone was abused (physically or emotionally) by their parent and then take every measure to ensure that they do not abuse their child. Or someone felt that their parents hovered over them too much, controlled every element of their life; and as a result, they create a house in which liberty exists, a sense of freedom.  In a way, that’s great — the next generation reaps those benefits. But still, it’s an act in opposition.

    But what about passing on positive life lessons that we want to pass on? The good stuff that we want to continue ?

  • Disabling remote loading of images (in e-mails)

    On both my laptop and iPhone, I’ve configured my e-mail clients to disable a setting called “Load Remote Images.”  Although there are a number of benefits in doing so, like reducing network traffic (i.e. bandwidth), my main motivation is this: preventing senders from tracking my e-mail behavior, preventing them from identifying whether or not I’ve open their e-mails.  When loading an image, the e-mail client sends an HTTP request to URL defined for the image(s). This, coupled with the the sender’s ability to craft a unique URL for each image, enables them to check the server’s access logs. In short, it answers the question: “Did they open up my e-mail?”

    Am I paranoid? Perhaps. Is it over the top? Maybe. But allow me provide you a screenshot (below) of an e-mail that I recently received from The Everygrey, an awesome (daily) newsletter sent out to those interested in what’s going on in Seattle.

    Touch base e-mail from Everygrey
    Touch base e-mail from Everygrey

    Despite the above e-mail, I’d like to mention that actually read their e-mails. Every day. But without loading of remote images (as well as not clicking on the links embedded in the e-mail), they can only assume that I’m an inactive user, which obviously isn’t the case.  And although I’ve used them as example, I’m actually defending against more nefarious senders.

  • Dog palace

    On Saturday, just before the sun began to rise, Jess and I began loading our luggage into black Mazda hatchback for our Christmas trip from Seattle to Los Angeles. Normally, when packing, we haphazardly shove our suit cases into the trunk and squeeze bags between the front and back seats. But this year, we decided to leverage the installed roof rack, purchasing a black cargo bag capable of storing up to 15 cubic feet.

     

    Roof rack from Amazon basics
    Roof rack from Amazon basics

    Storing all our luggage — two ukuleles, a carry on suit case, Christmas presents for family, dry freezed raw dog food-— overhead freed up the entire rear of the car, allowing Jess to set up what she calls the dog palace:

    Metric sprawled out in the dog palace
    Metric sprawled out in the dog palace