Tag: sticky posts

  • 2023 – Brief Life Update

    2023 – Brief Life Update

    I haven’t posted on this blog for almost a year. And I miss writing. A lot.

    Interestingly enough, I observed that I stopped publishing my own writing when my attention and intention shifted towards growing an audience, when I had decided to “professionalize” my blog and create a funnel for business. A part of me was crippled by fear of failing, so I just stopped writing all together.

    Now, I’d like to rediscover a way to write, to express creativity, and at the same time, publish writing that others will find interesting and useful.

    But first, time to rebuild that writing muscle. Here are some recent life updates:

    Recent life updates

    Of all the updates below, I would say the most significant events are:

    • Diagnosed with adult ADHD at the age of 34 – met with (2) different psychiatrists and discovered that in addition to ADHD, I exhibit traits for other conditions
    • Started doing things for fun, like dancing – When I founded Crossbill in 2021, I more or less stopped doing all fun activities and focused all my attention and effort into growing the business.
    • Under high distress, I suggested that my wife and I take time apart – During an argument between my wife and I, I (on the surface, appearing calm) suggested that we separate and take some time apart. I had expected her to push back, to in some way, tell me the idea was non-sense. Instead, she agreed. That sent me into a spiral and I proceeded to sit on the couch and cry uncontrollably and disassociated and unable to articulate what I was feeling. This specific event altered the course of not only my relationship with my wife, but my life (grateful for the incident)
    • Enrolled and started dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) – I signed up for Greenlake Therapy Group’s Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) program and it has been … life changing, giving me tools and skills to regulate my emotions, build interpersonal skills and ultimately, build a life worth living.
    • Wife and daughter move to London – my wife (Jess) and daughter (Elliott) moved to London and we’re intentionally taking time apart while I focus (on my above) program in person, here in Seattle.
  • Speaking up for others

    Speaking up for others

    Ever since I was little boy, if any of my friends were bullied or picked on, and I noticed they couldn’t defend themselves, I would speak up on their behalf. Speaking up for others has always come naturally for me and it’s habit that I still flex even as an adult. However, these days, I’m a tad more reluctant to take action; I’ve learned that sometimes its best to allow people the opportunity to fight their own battles. Knowing when to stay silent or speak up for others is not so black and white: it’s an art.

    I’m constantly walking a fine line.

    In fact, this blog post was sparked by another student in my OMSCS program, who posted a question on the online forum, which lead to a discussion I wasn’t sure I should engage. This particular student had asked for a one day extension for the first programming project, admitting that they vastly underestimated the complexity of the assignment. Then, another anonymous student chimed in, complaining that it would be “unfair” for the other students who actually “budgeted” their time. As soon as I read this anonymous person’s comment, I immediately felt annoyed and wanted to send a knee-jerk response but decided to step away from my keyboard since I didn’t want to type something I would regret.

    Instead, here’s how I responded:

    Piazza post – asking for a single day extension

    And I’m glad I did respond. Because since voicing my opinion, a handful of other students started replying to the thread, taking a similar stance to mine.

    In general, I’m motivated to speak up for others is because I fervently believe in the following quote:

    “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

    ― Edmund Burke

  • A letter from my future self: “Dear 2019 Matt”

    A letter from my future self: “Dear 2019 Matt”

    In 2019, Sal Khan wrote a letter to his past self as a reflection exercise and made that letter public and published it on his blog. Thanks Sal.

    Inspired by his post and this reflection exercise, I decided to write a letter from my future self (Matt in 2029). In other words, I wrote the letter from future Matt (2029) to present Matt (2019). Of course, I wrote this letter before the global pandemic, before my first daughter born. So much has changed since a year ago.  That being said, the exercise is super valuable and allows me to gauge whether I am walking the course that I had once charted.

    And I think you should also do the same reflection exercise. Set aside about an hour. Just lay it all out. Then, set the letter aside and revisit it six months from now, a year from now, five years from now. You’ll be surprised how accurate (and inaccurate) your predictions are.

    A letter to myself

    Dear 2019 Matt,

    You see that wife of yours? Go give her a big wet kiss on the lips. Then throw your arms around her, giving her a big bear hug. Hold it. Now tell her you love her — I’ll wait while you do it — because you really don’t tell her enough. Have no fear: she’s not going anywhere. And while you are at it, kiss Metric on the nose and pat Mushroom on the head. They’re both in doggy heaven now, smiling down on me, 2029 Future Matt.

    Moving on, here are some suggestions.

    First off, up your Vietnamese speaking skills (and your written skills while you are at it). Seriously. You are a Vietnamese American man. Vietnamese — the mother tongue of your two, refugee parents. Use the language to connect (and reconnect) with your loved ones, friends and family, especially your grandma. It’s important Matt — she’s no longer around. Don’t make the mistake of not being able to not only articulate and share your thoughts and feelings and your life story, but listen to her stories. How did she do it all — having kids at 19 and then fleeing Vietnam without a lick of English? Separately, don’t you want your children to speak the language as well?

    Next up, get involved with the community. I understand you are naturally introverted and insular. But you aren’t alone: join a community of like minded people. People who care about the things you care about. Cannot find that community? Make one. Like your wife tells you — you are a community builder. You have this ability to attract and bring people together, make them feel comfortable under their own skin (since that’s something you’ve worked so hard on: learning to accept yourself).

    Keep up the singing and guitar lessons. They’ve come in handy. No — future you is not a rock star and you are not touring across the globe. But you’ve breathed music into your children’s lives. They’re constantly yanking on your t-shirt, inviting you to sing and dance. And of course you do it because you not only love them to pieces but you want to teach them how to be comfortable under their own skin. That’s important to you because you know what it feels like not feel completely okay with who you are.

    Keep plugging away at that Computer Science Master’s program from Georgia Tech. It’s serving a couple purposes. On one hand, you are doing it because you are mastering your craft, learning the ins and outs of your discipline. On the other hand, you know there’s shadow side to why you are doing it: you can feel a bit insecure at times (even though you don’t let it show) since you are in the big leagues, working at Amazon and being surrounded smart folks with their fancy degrees. But once you finish up that program, use that lunch time to actually have lunch with folks instead of studying.

    Now, on the emotional side, keep walking that path of forgiveness. Remember that Oprah interview you watched, the interview with Wade and James, the two brave men speaking out about their sexual abuse from Michael Jackson? Remember what James Safechuck poignantly said: forgiveness is not a line you cross, but a path you take. With that quote in mind, learn not only how to forgive yourself for the things you’ve done and people you hurt but learn how to forgive others around you — like your father. Yes, he’s still around but he’s old now: 70. He doesn’t have that much time left on this earth. Basically, keep up with what you are doing: you no longer imagine what life could be if things were different. No. That’s not you anymore and future you is proud.

    One more thing: reintroduce meditation to your life. Cause 2029 is crazier than you’d expect, even more so than now. You think Trump being the president is ludicrous ? Can you guess who is the president in 2029?

    So far, I’ve been naming a bunch of things for you to do and for to think about. But also take it easy on yourself. Acknowledge how far you have come. You are piling so much on your plate: you are working full time as a software engineer at Amazon, playing husband 24 x 7, walking the dogs at 06:30 AM every morning (from your cozy 2 story Northgate house to Maple Leaf park) because the dogs deserve daily exercise to keep them healthy, taking singing lessons every Tuesday evening, mastering the fret board of your guitar, refining your writing skills.

    I know your mind constantly races. You want to be a good husband (you are). You want to be a good son (you are). You want to be a good brother (you are). You want to be a good father (you will be).

    2029 Matt is really proud of you