Author: mattchung

  • On restarting a meditation practice, reducing anxiousness, and overcoming sensitivity to other’s opinions

    On restarting a meditation practice, reducing anxiousness, and overcoming sensitivity to other’s opinions

    Today I meditated for an entire 20 minutes. For me, that’s a long time, as someone who struggles to still.

    Here’s what went down for today. The first 10 minutes was basically a paired muscle relaxation (PMR), tensing muscles (e.g. hamstring, glute, bicep) and releasing them, silently and mentally whispering the word “relax” to myself. I have been practicing this on and off, inconsistently the last year, first learning about the effects of PMR on reducing anxiety; this practice was introduced during my dialectical behavior therapy group.

    After this paired muscle relaxation exercise, I transitioned to another “breathing” exercise, focusing on the breath and again, classically conditioning my body and training myself to relax the nervous system on command. It goes like this: inhale, hold the breath, count to 4 seconds, slowly exhale. Do this 10 times in a row, which makes up a single round. After the round, repeat a mantra, something to the effect of “Whenever I say easy easy easy, my body goes completely relaxed.”

    There’s multiple motivations to reinstate my meditation practice.

    First, “have you started a meditation practice” is more or less the first comment that you’ll receive upon joining the Stretch Therapy forum.

    Meditation goes hand in hand with stretching and as important (and dare I say: more important) than stretching itself. The idea is to increase your awareness, allowing you to be mindful of where (throughout the day) you hold tension; in what areas, in what muscles. Only then can establish new habits, new patterns that replace the (now) unnecessary — perhaps at one point in time, the tension served a purpose — tension.

    Second, I’m currently on the path of becoming the greatest dancer I can possibly be. Not by anyone else’s measuring stick, but my own.

    And I recognize as part of this journey, one of the biggest hurdles is the mental side of dance. The psychological challenges are ones that I’ve avoided in other disciplines, including tennis. I was once a good tennis player, on that path of being a great tennis player, but I could never “perform” under stress (for reasons I won’t get into here). The same stress feelings followed me in other activities including playing guitar, singing, and now in dance.

    Furthermore, I believe that the self-induced stress predominately stems from what Michael Gervais calls FOPO: fear of other people’s opinion. I won’t go into too much detail of that here (check out my book reading progress) but I strongly believe that if I stay the course of practicing mastery, stay the course of mitigating the impact my worry thoughts about what others think of me, that something great will happen.

    What is this greatness that I am visualizing?

    I’m not sure.

    But I can feel it.

  • Book reading progress update on “The first rule of mastery: Stop worrying about what people think of you”

    Book reading progress update on “The first rule of mastery: Stop worrying about what people think of you”

    I often do not finish reading books that I started. And generally speaking, while I do value completing what I start, I also practice self-compassion and most recently in adult life, deliberately and mindfully moving away from the behavior of “forcing” (or tricking) myself to do things that I don’t feel compelled to do. Fortunately, I’m in good company and many others are like me; in fact, today there was a post published on Hacker News thread titled “It’s okay to abandon things”.

    Anyways, the book that I’m actively reading — in between reading “Sports Psyching: Playing your best game of all time” – is titled: “The first rule of mastery: Stop worrying about what other people think” by Michael Gervais

    I’m continuing to become more and more aware of my own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and values. One attribute of mine that I’m currently VERY curious about is my high degree of acceptance:

    the desire to increase acceptance from others and reduce criticism or rejection.

    This topic fascinates me because I feel — deep in my bones — that I can live more authentically and reach my full potential (to be determined) if I spend less time worrying about what others think of me. Looking back, for much of my life, despite obtaining what some would consider external markers of success — working at a top tech company (AWS), receiving an inventor’s patent (in software networking, purchasing my first house in my mid twenties — I’ve limited myself spiritually.

    Again, I’m becoming more and more aware of my propensity to check in with what others think before arriving at a decision for myself. Though I value independence and reaching conclusions on my own, I sometimes over-index and over-value what others people think …. of me.

    For example, before I had my septum pierced, I posted a poll on Instagram, asking people what they thought was more aesthetic: nose piercing or septum piercing.

    Though that activity was fun, in retrospect, I would’ve liked for myself to make the decision regardless of the poll results. I would’ve been particularly proud if people responded negatively and I proceeded in spite of the criticisms.

    In a similar situation, just two weeks ago, I pierced my nostril. But this time: no polls. No social media posts. It’s not that I’m ashamed or embarrassed by the piercing. Not in the least. This time around, though from the outside the behavior looks the same, I arrived at the decision completely on my own.

    This second facial piercing of mine feels different internally, in my mind, in my thoughts, in my body.

    I wasn’t anxious … wasn’t worrying about what other folks thought of how I would be perceived. Caring less might be a consequence of the fact that it’s easier to do something a second time however I’d like to think that part of my recent cultivation of understanding who I am played a role.

    And now, I want to continuing building psychological tools and mental fortitude and practices and rituals that will help address the anxiousness caused by an excessive preoccupation of what other people think.

    How I stumbled on “The first rule of mastery” book

    I love learning everything and anything about self-development. And one podcast where self-development tends to be main focus is Rich Roll’s podcast. On the podcast, he typically brings on “famous” guests who demonstrate excellence in their field.

    Sometimes the guests are academics.

    Sometimes actors.

    Sometimes athletes.

    The common theme though is that they tend to be “high performers.”

    And while walking the dogs at the park a couple weeks ago, I chose a random podcast episode where Michael Gervais was the guest. The dialog between the two of them really resonated with me but the main takeaway from that episode was that high performance tends to be hindered by fear of other people’s opinion (FOPO).

    As humans, we value social acceptance and try to reduce rejection. It’s an evolutionary trait that kept us alive in our tribes. However, the argument is that that sensitivity for acceptance has become maladaptive in today’s society.

    I learned that I have a high degree of acceptance after being evaluated by a Reiss Motivational Profile Master (fun fact: I am now also certified): I am about two standard deviations away from the norm in terms of how much I “care” about what others think of me.

    In this post, I won’t go too deep into behaviors driven by high acceptance but for now, let’s just say there’s a price to pay when how we behave or present ourselves in a ways to garner social acceptance.

    Favorite quotes from the book far

    I’m about 1/3 of the way through the book but I wanted to pause, reflect, and share some of my favorite quotes I collected from the book.

    “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves” (pg. 1)

    “Now, I had more positive opinions than negative; however, I found the negative opinions to be way more magnetic. They held more weight at the time. Being stuck on those negative words, as I see it now, reminds me of one o my favorite quotes. ‘One tree can make one thousand matches. And one match can burn one thousand trees.’ (pg. 3)

    “The sooner you fundamentally change your relationship with other people’s opinions, the sooner you become free. Totally free to be at home with yourself wherever you are.” (pg. 5)

    “Developing an awareness of our fears about the opinions of others is the first step to discharge the power they hold over us. Awareness as the starting point for change is not a novel idea…But awareness is only the first step. Awareness must be accompanied by psychological skill building.” (pg. 12)

    “We externalize our self-esteem, our sense of value. We see ourselves through the eyes of others. We look outside of ourselves to determine how we feel about ourselves.” (pg. 36)

    “They are less focused on the experience and instead perseverate on how the other person may or may not feel about them. In that interaction, the problem they are trying to solve is approval or rejection as opposed to the shared social experience.”

    “Care about what people think and you will always be their prisoner”

  • Daily Review: September 23, 2024 (Monday)

    Daily Review: September 23, 2024 (Monday)

    I’m struggling to type this out because right now, my intestines are inflamed due an irritable stomach caused by 5 trips to the toilet in the last couple hours yesterday evening. Though in severe pain, I am grateful right now that Elliott has returned to her mother’s care — Elliott alternates weekends between her mother and — yesterday evening. I’m unsure what causes the back to back bowel movements. Was it under-cooked cookies? Was it accidentally touching raw meat (this has happened once before) because I recall my kitchen glove ripping in the midst of preparing the dogs food. Whatever it is, I’m in severe pain right now and practicing deep breathing. What’s surprising is that the pain increased beyond my threshold after I performed my stretching routine this morning; had my stomach been this upset when I first woke up, then there’s not a chance I would’ve been able spend almost an hour going through my flexibility routine.

    Yesterday

    • Met up for a scheduled play date between Elliott and her (former) classmate – The girls played together (for about an hour) at a soft play. Elliott is becoming more and more independent and it’s bittersweet. I love playing with her AND I enjoy catching a break while she plays with her friends, allowing me to somewhat relax and just have an adult conversation with other parent(s)
    • Cooked Elliott lunch – she’s loves the taste bolognese pasta (literally she says “yummy”) so I keep a couple frozen tubs sitting in the freezer
    • Napped for an hour while Elliott watched a couple episodes of some show on Disney+
    • Watched Pokémon Episode 6 with Elliott before her mom picked her up

    Today

    Given my current upset stomach, I’m going to take it easy on myself. I will actually try and head back to the flat after lunch and take a nap, which tends to help these infrequently stomach flare ups.

    • Visit my honor guide and step through some administrative tasks – Respond to divorce lawyers emails, respond to property management emails

    Update: As of 11:00 am, my piecing stomach/intestine pains have subsided. I’ve also relocated from Prét a manger to the Starbucks next door, since the WiFi speeds are substantially better here (for now)

  • Daily Review – September 22, 2024 (Sunday)

    Daily Review – September 22, 2024 (Sunday)

    Initially woke up at 4:00am and felt it was a bit too early so gently put myself back to sleep with a couple deep breathes. It’s now 5:18am and feel much more fresh. I have about an hour and 45 minutes (maybe less) before Elliott wakes up. As a single dad who has his daughter alternating weekends, I maximize my time with by giving her mostly my full attention, although there are moments where I need a few minutes to myself throughout the day, especially when there’s conflict between us (which is normal) and me taking a step back to inhale a few deep breathes gives just enough pause so that I can behave as a parent in a way that’s consistent with my long term values.

    Yesterday

    • Woke up early yesterday and took advantage of the 90 minutes or so writing a daily review
    • Played slime with her and it was originally completely stuck to my hand before the slime activator kicked in
    • Before heading off to the festival, Elliott asked if we could practice her riding her bicycle. I’m continuing to use this technique that another parent suggested, where you wrap a sweater around their waist as to avoid having to bend your back the entire time. On Friday, I had used my very expensive sweater and regret doing that because that small amount of time wrapped around Elliott’s waist ended up stretching my sweater. So now I use a scarf.
    • Took Elliott to this AMAZING day festival
    • Elliott snapped a few photos of me with the digital single lens reflex (DSLR) camera and she already (like most kids, I would imagine) developing this creative perspective. I also was impressed and proud that a couple of the photos that she had taken were not blurry (like the featured image on this post)
    • I had setup the movie “Inside out 2” for Elliott on the projector while I stretched my quads for about 10 minutes, then joined her to watch before the two of us fell asleep
    • I felt so much love and joy at random moments yesterday, including her just coming up to me while I was walking towards the bathroom and then grabbed me, kissed me on the forehead and said, “I love you dad” and then nonchalantly walked away. She’ll never realize, or won’t realize for a long time until she’s much older, how much these little moments mean to me
    • Some of the stuff she says absolutely lights me up like, when I taught her yesterday what was “Come as you are”, a term from the house dance community, and she said, that kind of reminds her of “Become yourself” which to me, are strikingly similar.
    • Another favorite moment of mine was while we were at the daytime festival, the two of us were at a jewelry vendor and both trying on different rings. There’s several subtle, unobservable from the outside, things that I love about this moment. Though I felt the beginnings of anxiousness that Elliott, about to turn 5, would lose or knock over some rings, I just took a deep breath and practiced that even if she did, that happens to all of us. I quieted my mind, quieted my sensitive to people’s opinion, and continued on. At the same time, I recognize that not all little children are mature enough to be playing with jewelry and perhaps that might make the seller nervous but all turned out well and in the end, Elliott walked away with a toe ring (others were too small) wrapped out her cute little index finger
    • I felt a little disappointed in myself for a short period as a dad when it was lunch time and ordered us Indian food but it ended up being too spicy for Elliott and so she was hungry and because the lines were so long, I quickly got her a doughnut just to satiate her for a couple minutes (it’s not that nutritious) then stood in line for mac n’ cheese, which ended up being really really delicious (albeit expensive for a kid’s portion). Note to self: pack (more) snacks cause you never know when food lines are going to be wrapped out the corner and although as an adult I can wait, it must be challenging for little bodies who are not accustomed to the hunger sensation
    • After lunch, Elliott and I shared a delicious double scoop ice cream, mango on top, peppermint on the bottom (I remember this little detail because the presumable manager had directed the employee who was serving us to assemble the ice cream in that order). What I also loved about this little moment was that Elliott noticed that the cone they were about to scoop the ice cream on top of was not the colorful cone (that we had paid for) and she made it a point to tell them. I’m really proud that she speaks up for herself. At the same time, sometimes the way in which she delivers her message can be a bit jarring so part of my job as a dad is to both encourage her to speak up (an area I struggled with growing up) and at the same time, do so in a way that’s more receptive then just a stating a directive.
    • At the end of the daytime festival, on our way out, though we were both tired (and I was seeing if we could buy some time before heading to the Red Bull BC One breaking down the house event), I asked if she wanted to make her own T-Shirt at an arts and crafts tent. Not wanting to make assumptions, I walked up to the two staff working there and asked, “Can you explain how this works and does it cost anything?” I’m proud of myself because even these little types of interactions in the past used to give me social anxiety, sometimes the thought of “You should know better” voice in my head that probably came from a lifetime of being told that over and over from my parents (more particularly my father)
    • Felt a bit disappointed that we didn’t end up going to the Redbull BC One event because I really wanted to the (house dance) community compete and Elliott was so exhausted from being out all day that I wanted to honor and respect her wishes to go home

    Today

    • Loose plans for Elliott to spend some time with an old classmate of hers, me and her classmate’s parents setting up a play date for the two girls
    • Elliott will be returning back to her mom at 5pm tonight

  • A reflection on re-participating in social media

    For about 8 years, I was a ghost on social media. The time period is about 2014-2022.

    No Instagram.

    No Twitter.

    Nothing (OK fine, LinkedIn but that’s really for professional development).

    I deliberately shut myself offline. I had deactivated and deleted both my Instagram and Facebook profile, losing all the connections I had previously made over the years. I had taken this (what I consider) all or nothing stance, prioritizing and valuing privacy without fully considering the implications. I also believed, at the time, as many others do, that the online connections held no value.

    However, in retrospect, like everything else in life, there’s a price to pay. On some level, I lost staying looped into what my friends and family were up to. Similarly, they lost touch with what was going on in my world. Yes, I concede there are other mechanisms for spreading life updates but the reality is that social media can be very effective in this regards.

    To be clear: having an online profile does not automatically imply that you are social.

    Having a profile does not imply you are connected and plugged into your community, into your friend’s lives.

    In my opinion, that social capital is gained through showing up and interacting with others. Consistently. There’s no substitute for cumulative interactions.

    And through consistent interactions with others, you start to develop trust with others, which is hard earned as an outsider, a role that I’m all too familiar with as someone who not only moved around significantly throughout my childhood (e.g. 5 different schools over 6 years) — something I’d like unpack in another post

    Also, “showing up” takes many forms. A warm hug. Sipping a tea with a friend. Throwing your arms around a friend or family member when they are experiencing grief or sadness.

    Quite frankly, the in person experience cannot be replaced. The human touch cannot be emulated.

    However, short of that, there are other opportunities to cultivate friendships.

    Sending voice messages.

    Talking on the phone.

    Sending text messages.

    Again, there’s nuance and multiplicity in building your own social fabric, your own connected world.

    So, back to participating in social media. I have my own intentions and want to (continue) using social media with some intention. Aware that the way in which I use social media may evolve over time, here’s how I practice social media right now:

    • Showcase what’s going on in my life
    • Share local events that I plan on attending
    • Share other friends posts/stories that I find interesting, inspirational, admiring

    The reason I post about my life is the same reason I follow along other’s updates: to either get acquainted with their life and stay plugged in.

    Whether it’s a Instagram story or Instagram post, I get just enough insight into some other person’s life and that can compel me to reach out to them. Generally speaking, people tend to share about things that they value (or disgust them). In this way, when I find people who share similar values, I more inclined to build a real life connection with them.

    Second, ever since I could get my hand on a camcorder, I’ve been recording videos and snapping photos. In fact, I have footage of me learning how to break dance when I was about 9 years old. I have footage of the last moments with me and my uncle before he passed away from a long battle of cancer.

    I love capturing and showcasing what I consider beautiful (this reminds me of “American Beauty”). I equally enjoy giving people a platform to showcase themselves.

    Third, learning how to stay on my own two feet and building a practice of fighting FOPO, as Michael Gervais calls it, fear of other people’s opinion. This deserves an article blog post on its own because I am actively working on reducing my sensitive to both

    1. other people’s acceptance of me and
    2. other people’s rejection of me

    Two sides of the same coin. Though my sensitivity to other’s opinions has driven me in ways that I am grateful for, it’s limited me in more ways than one: going for things I want despite people disapproving it, shooting my shot (with people or opportunities) that I otherwise would not go for out of fear.

    Anyways, just my .02 at 5:30 am on a Saturday morning, typing quietly as possible, breathing like a mouse, as to not wake up Elliott up who is bound to wake up in the next hour.

  • Waking up from a nightmare at 4:00am

    When I was a young boy, from about 5 to 13 years old, I used to dream horrible nightmares that would wake me up in the middle of the night. For those 7-8 childhood years, the nightmares themselves centered around Chucky the Doll (do not recommend), a film that I had accidentally watched (a family debate still exists as to how exactly I ended up watching that but that’s neither here nor there).

    Fast forward to present day.

    I’m 36 years old, still get nightmares.

    However, these days, my nightmares are less fictitious.

    There’s no killer doll.

    There’s no spooky monster.

    There’s no serial killer.

    Instead, my nightmares revolve around more realistic scenarios.

    This nightmare from this morning in particular was a bit more plausible (not possible) scenario. In this nightmare, my (now ex) wife and I were laying in bed next to one another and I told her that I will see her in (marital) court on November 28th (in reality, this is a real date set my the court system in the United Kingdom after countless efforts with trying to resolve a financial settlement but I digress) and her response was:

    “Good luck. I’m pregnant again.”

    Even in my sleep state, the notion of being stuck in that relationship terrified and triggered me enough to the point that I shot up from my laying position, waking up, gasping for air. The idea of being stuck in a relationship from someone that I am actively trying to distance myself from gives me the chills.

    So recognizing it was way too early in the morning, I shut my eyes closed, drew in a few breathes, and gently fell back asleep for another 90 minutes, until 5:30am, my normal wake up time.

    Adult fears.

  • On Psychological Safe Spaces

    The importance of psychologically safe dance spaces.

    Note: Although this blog post centers on psychologically safe spaces for dance studios, I think that that this concept more generally applies to other environments including the corporate world as well.

    This post is more of a stream of consciousness so bare with me here.

    I started my dance journey in February 2023 (a little over a year ago at the time of this writing) and (long story short) discovered “The Beacon”, a dance studio located in Seattle Washington (USA). It’s my second home.

    Really.

    I fell in love not only with the studio, but with the people, the community. If the closest thing I have to attending church. I feel honored and considered some of the instructors and leaders in the space as friends, who ultimately cultivate what I consider a psychological safe space. A place to be witnessed. To be seen. A place to “be yourself” with no judgement.

    A psychologically safe dance space is not something I take for granted anymore. I can confidently say that, since moving to London in April 2024 and visiting half a dozen studios.

    I’m writing about this topic because more times than I can count, someone has told me that I was “brave” for jumping into the cypher, despite there being arguably more experienced and more skilled dancers surrounding the circle. While I do feel flattered, and feel proud for the progress I’ve made, I feel comfortable jumping because of my experiences The Beacon (mentioned above).

    In that studio, a “safe” space is cultivated. It is intentional. It does not happen by chance. In fact, here’s a little interview I conducted with Seattle Legend Tracey Wong (below) and how she deliberately creates the environment:

  • Daily Review – Thursday – September 19, 2024

    Like many others walking this earth, I am currently in a state of transition. The divorce (which started last November) is almost coming to an end (won’t be diving into it here since the topic itself deserves its own post) and I’m finding myself constantly asking the following two questions:

    1. What do you want to do?
    2. What do you NOT want to do?

    As Kit Laughlin shared in his podcast interview, the latter question is just as effective. By practicing asking yourself daily, I believe that I’m inching myself towards (for lack of a better word) actualization.

    At the moment, here’s what I don’t want to do:

    • Go back and work full time in technology – whether the role is a leadership role (VP of Engineering) or senior software engineer, I’d like to (if possible) work part-time, anywhere between 15-20 hours per week. With the remainder of time, I’d like to work on my own projects

    Yesterday

    • Elliott after school pick up
      • “Dad, this is a great place to do a pistol squat” – this brought me so much joy because sometimes, when I’m out and about with her, I’ll practice a pistol squat and cannot believe that this stuck with her
      • She asked me to tell her (almost every day) more spooky stories
      • Proud of her when she used the word “bittersweet” – When I touched her hands, I noticed her skin was softer (she had what we thought was a genetic skin condition) and she told me that the medicine she’s taking makes her feel bittersweet and I was so proud of her usage of language (as a almost 5 year old) and asked her where she heard that word and she said, “You taught me Daddy”. I felt proud for both myself and her.
      • I fell asleep while watching Netflix with her – While watching Netflix Super Kitties TV show that I projected onto the ceiling, I fell asleep while laying next to her and woke up about 45 minutes later, just in time for her mom to pick her up
      • Continuing practiced teaching Elliott how to ride her (her words: adult) bicycle with two wheels. I’m treading the line between encouragement and pressuring since I do not want her feel like she “has to” learn how to ride a bicycle since I consider the activity right now a source of joy
    • Dance practice
      • Drilled the last 8 count steps from Ani’s class – heel toe, pivot heel toe, toe tap
      • Practiced Pas De Bourrée variations that I came up with, looping the certain parts of the movement, achieving a sort of flow state. I’m starting to feel more comfortable with leaning into my own creativity

    Today

    • Mavinga responded to my inquiry regarding 1:1 private dance lessons and she stepped through my Google Document that outlines my dance goals
      • She said (in a kind way I feel) that she’ll train me military style, the same way she trains with her Belgian friends. I’m all in and excited at the opportunity. We are working out logistics right now
      • When she vocalized (in her own words) my goals, she said so you want to dance at a professional level. At first I felt a bit embarrassed, took a deep breathe in and, actually, yes, I do want to dance at a highest level: for me I’m not forcing or pushing myself. I am building a relationship with dance and curious as to if I can actualize the visions I have of me dancing
    • Stretched for about 30 minutes
      • Worked my lats
      • Yamuna ball for my chest and shoulders

    Plans

    • Take a scheduled call with a tax attorney
    • Take a scheduled call with some executives from White Space, a company that I’m considering consulting for on a part time basis as a VP of engineering
    • Delete AWS Resources for my Crossbill account since I’ve seen bills come in at hundreds of dollars, resources that I’m not using. So just tearing down various resources that have been neglected
    • Attend Dance Class with Jevan at Base Dance studios at 5:30pm
    • Pick up groceries in Wimbledon (from M&S) since I have Elliott this weekend and she loves (just like me) bolongese with pasta

  • A simple solution to “Damn, I forgot to buy XYZ at the grocery store”

    A simple solution to “Damn, I forgot to buy XYZ at the grocery store”

    Ever find yourself frustrated that you forgot to pick up something from the grocery store? I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve experienced frustration when I returned home, after forgetting to pick up some item (e.g. ketchup), despite writing down the item on a sheet of paper that I ultimately forget is neatly tucked away in a jean pocket.

    But lately, I’ve been experimenting with a solution I came up with that seems to be working pretty consistently without fail over the last month.

    It’s simple: I write down the item on a sticky note and then attach the sticky note to my credit card that lives in my wallet.

    Before elaborating on this particularly unique solution, here are some other attempts:

    • Location based reminder with Siri – “Hey Siri, remind me when I get to Sainsbury grocery store to buy ketchup”. While the notification works well (that is, a notification will pop up on my phone when I am in close proximity to the grocery store), sometimes my phone sits tucked away in my backpack and I end up not even hearing or feeling (i.e. vibrate) the notification. Or sometimes my phone suppresses notifications due to be set on sleep mode.
    • Writing down items on a sheet of paper and putting the piece of paper in my pocket – As mentioned above, I (with good intention) write down items on a sheet of paper and then stuff the paper in my pocket and though this sometimes work, I often forget about the paper all together.

    In a nutshell, with all the solutions presented above, the problem really boils down to forgetting about the solution itself.

    Instead of relying on good intentions, like my memory, having some sort of trigger to prompt me. So me paying for my credit card (at the moment) always happen so I piggy packed on that.

    Ultimately, this solution of mine is a fail safe. Because although I do write down a longer list of items on a single sheet of paper, the item(s) on the post-it fail to make their way to the single sheet of paper, for many reasons.

    Again, this solution works … for me given my assumptions (e.g. paying with physical credit card) and circumstances. Even so, as a practice of improving my organization skills, I evaluated my solution using the POET compass in terms of how well my solution presents, how well it stays off my mind, how accessible the solution is, and how much I trust it. More on this below.

    Evaluating the solution using the POET compass

    As mentioned in more recent blog posts, I am currently enrolled in an online course called “Waves of Focus” (see this blog post for more details). And one tool I been incorporating into my daily life is the POET compass, a way to evaluate your “organization” solution.

    Does it present well?

    Yes, the solution in itself uses a label and works well as a visual trigger. As soon as I whip out my wallet and see a sticky note attached, I’m reminded that there’s at least one item I’d like to buy while at the grocery story.

    Is it out of mind?

    Invisible? Yes! The label itself is slapped onto my credit card, which is tucked away and out of sight and out of mind, sitting in my back pocket.

    Is the solution easy to use/easy to get to?

    Is it Instant? Yes, in the context of grocery shopping, I pay with my card (not apple pay or any other mechanism). So retrieving the sticky is as easy as retrieving my card from the wallet.

    Trusted?

    Off of mind. I would say for this particular scenario (of going to the grocery store and trying to remember to purchase something) that being trusted is probably the most important criteria (within the POET compass). After jotting down the items and attaching the sticky note to my card, I simply can forget.

    Summary

    I’ve been using this solution for a little over 4 weeks and appears to be working well. This solution (like many others) was born out of frustration. And while I still practice self-compassion and take it on myself, frustration is a normal and common feeling that I’m learning to listen to more, allowing myself to detach and and step back and brain storm (unique or not) solutions for my problems.