This is me jumping back on the horse and practicing imperfectly doing things. An imperfect blog entry beats no blog entry. Perfection, as I’ve learned recently, is both a trap and an illusion: perfection does not exist. So might as well take action.
I’m currently sitting in the kitchen of my London flat, quietly typing on my wireless keyboard while my daughter (Elliott, now 5.5 years old) sleeps in the bedroom. It’s a little past 7 and she’s still recovering from jet lag after spending just about 2 weeks in Seattle (8 hour clock difference), our first international trip together, where it was just her and I who flew together.
Some fleeting special moments from yesterday
Instead of dining out in Wimbledon, she convinced me again to stay in and eat dinner at home – thankfully, my Italian female friend (Francesa) had cooked pasta for me while I was away so we have lots of tasty food upon landing from Seattle
She tried to paint my nails but we ran out of pink and red (only two colors) of nail varnish
She bicycled to the station while I walked with the leashed dogs
She was motivated to draw yesterday so she followed the instructions from the book titled “How to draw almost every animal”
I setup the Nintendo Switch yesterday and she and I played both Super Smash brothers but her favorite game is “Pokemon” – because she cannot read, I’m left sitting next to her reading out loud the captions while she navigates the controller.
While holding the Nintendo Switch she accidentally called me “Andy” (my ex wife’s current partner) – though at first, I felt a little sting here, I in the moment recognized that she associates Nintendo Switch with Andy since they play together (Mario Kart, according to Elliott). I’m also proud here for all the emotional work I’ve done (and continue to do) since I in the moment recognized this and can see how some parents, in the moment, would feel jealous (valid and justified)
I napped next to her in bed while she watched (on the projector) the new series of “Unicorn Academy” on Netflix
We tested out the instant milk tea and Boba – unexpectedly quite tasty and I gave her the majority of the boba pearls
Watched GoPro footage that was recorded when she was just a few months old, in the midst of the pandemic – so many emotions float up in my body. Joy from seeing her as a baby. Grief for what was
Yesterday, my body continued fighting off a cold that started about 6 days ago and throughout yesterday, my body ached, my mind foggy, my chest infected with phlegm.
Today my mind feels sharper but yesterday, I felt unmotivated, unable to focus and I had (negative) thoughts like “am I being lazy?”. But I returned to the practice of self-compassion, telling myself that it’s normal when we are sick to not want to do much. In contrast to the years and years in which I “forced” my body to do things, when I wasn’t sensitive to listening to it, I rested. Also, it didn’t help that I had not gone to sleep until midnight the night before and had woken up the next morning at 6:30am, sleeping only 6.5 hours and upon reflection, the body likely needs more rest especially when fighting illness. No wonder I was tired throughout the day yesterday and took several naps.
On Sarah Bidaw’s Judge Demo
I was watching Juste Debout preliminaries yesterday (shout to my friend’s from Seattle for flying over to Paris and participating in the event).
Right now, I’m feeling motivated and inspired when watching seasoned dancers. In particular, this demo of Sarah Midaw I find particularly breathtaking. I have not met her but she recently showed up on my Instagram feed and I’ve seen her other friend’s videos; I imagine one day we’ll bump into one another her since the global house dance scene is both big and small. Anyways, what is it about the round I like so much?
The clear distinction between sending energy up to energy down during footwork sequence – Didie taught us this concept 2 weeks ago at Juste Debout workshop and his workshop revealed to me what I could see but not comprehend in terms of how dancers send their energy up or down on the kick drum
I’m winding down for the night, in the bed with my Macbook Pro, and just before drafting up this blog post, I snapped a few photos with my DSLR to practice my photography skills. I was really looking forward to taking this 5 week photography course. I was looking forward to it and disappointed that I’m no longer going to be taking this class. On the other hand, my routine of taking house dance classes on Thursday night continues!
So above, I set the featured image to a photo I had snapped this evening. This picture is the result of using “Manual” mode on my DSLR, me practicing playing with the various parameters including F-Stop, Shutter Speed, Exposure.
Today
Stretched in the morning – today’s routine (of my custom block I programmed for myself) consisted of targeting the calves and ankles (really really challenging and particularly painful), followed by some squat exercises
Took the 93 bus to Wimbledon and then posted a quick Instagram story, sharing a screenshot of Apple Notes – I had shared a funny situation I witnessed while on the bus, one between a father sending empty threats to his 4 year old son, only for the son to call his dad’s bluff
Opened up a ticket with AWS Support – I am consulting for a company in the UK and after unblocking them on an issue they’ve been stuck on for 3 weeks, I decided to wrap up the engagement by finding a long term solution to an AWS Amplify issue that’s preventing them from using the latest version of the AWS Amplify command line interface (CLI)
Picked up Elliott from school at 2:00pm – because the weather suddenly got cold, I was way under dressed so we went back to my flat to pick up a jacket. Since we had some time to kill, I set her up with her sticker book that we had picked up this past weekend and then we watched “Sing Thriller”, a show she said she saw advertised on Netflix. Elliott and I used to watch the movie “Sing” all the time when she was an infant.
Best part of my day yesterday was when Elliott handed me over a little drawing (see featured image above) that she drew with a pen and 8×11 printer paper that was folded in half. I felt joy wash over me and had asked her to what drawings on the card were: “That’s you. That’s me. And that’s a heart, for us”
Today
Talked with Martin and Ethan on FaceTime video – nice catching up with my good friend Martin and his son. Ethan was eating a “healthy” ice cream that he had made (with his mom) made of fruits and (cow’s) milk. The color of the ice cream was … orange … and when I had asked what the flavor was, Martin said “Maybe Watermelon?” I was like, come on Martin, it’s god damn orange, how could it be watermelon, are you color blind ?!?
Stretched – forward fold, elephant walk, and hamstring lunge. And posted on the Stretch Therapy forum
Sent a voice message to Kennedy and sung her happy birthday – my little Libra friend just turned 23 and I had setup a notification in my task manager, reminding me to wish her happy birthday
Cancelled Dance Class – Every Tuesday, without fail, I dance at Pineapple and take a house dance class. However, my legs are still shattered from this past Sunday’s 1:1 Dance Private with Samantha Mavinga. So I listened to my body, honoring its request to get some rest.
Worked out of Starbucks at Wimbledon – they have way more comfortable seats than the Costa I typically work out of. In addition, because this Starbucks has a long bench, I can periodically alter my sitting position. And because I’m more flexible than ever, I can (without pain) sit crossed legged (i.e. Indian Style)
Tackled administrative items that I’ve been procrastinating on – sent 3400.00 GBP to my (soon to be) ex wife for interim spousal support, an amount I disagree with but accept (side note: I believe in universal laws and will leave it at that for now), contacted IRS
Practiced skills learned from Waves of Focus – pausing, considering organizing one thing, link bury and mark
OrganizedElliott’s slime party – contacted the slime vendor and coordinate with other parents to confirm time and place. My ex had thrown a party for Elliott and I wanted to do something nice for Elliott on the weekend that I had her and she was so excited about the idea of a slime party
Talking with friends over the phone almost always lifts my spirits. Over the years, through some tough life lessons (including divorce, burning out working at Amazon) that I no longer place all my eggs in one basket. I follow this mantra for multiple areas of my life and that includes my social fabric. It’s just … relying on a single person places too much burden on them, I think. This includes romanetic and non-romantic relationships (dear God, am I turning poly?)
Talked on the phone with Brandon (WhatsApp voice call)
He actually moved from Seattle to Japan! So proud
He said that my little nudges helped propel him forward and follow his dream
Hopped on a short call with Kristine (WhatsApp voice call)
Her and I have been trying to link up for a while and jokingly (I think) she said maybe we’re finally able to talk because it was a full moon eclipse (I have no fucking clue what that entails and will research it)
Caught up with Kennedy (FaceTime audio)
We’ve sort of fell out of touch after her visiting me here in London
She’s going to message me some dance academic papers since I’m interested in learning about dynamics (and other concepts) from both a theoretical and practical point of view
Exchanged some Instagram voice messages with LIYVZ (IG messages)
As mentioned in this blog post, her recent video inspired me and I reached out to her to share my joy
Today
Stretch – calves, ankles, and squat
Meditate (paired muscle relaxation) and concentration exercise
Pick up Elliott from school and celebrate her classmates birthday (potentially in the nearby café due to rain)
Visit Waves of Focus online class
Revisit Pilates / Yoga instruction
Reach out to Mercan to see if he wants battle 2 vs 2 for upcoming battle – he said yes! I’m excited and we’re going to plan on training together over the next few weeks in preparation. I’m both excited and nervous
Posted on IG about the creative dance project bridging computer science and dance – sorting algorithm with house dancers
Elliott made the cutest face to guilt me into giving her gum (for her birthday) … and it worked
My Seattle based dance friend named Mateus flew in Thursday evening and stayed at my flat (goodness I’m so British now) with me until Sunday morning, when he flew back and returned to the states. These past days, I felt a lot of joy and love and gratefulness. Now, I just rode the bus with him to Wimbledon, dropping him off at the station and I’m now cozily posted up in the Starbucks located across the the street, sipping on my earl grey tea + soy milk + honey and writing this little blog post.
Here’s the main squeeze
Less anxiousness compared to previous instances when guests stayed with me in the past – Historically, I’d have a lot of worry thoughts leading up any guest staying with me: “Gosh, I need to clean up around here; I’m so messy” ; “Is there enough space in the house?”; “Are we going to get along; what will they think if XYZ”; “What if we both need to take a shit at the same time”. Nowadays, thanks to all the dialectical behavioral therapy training I received, along with me current work on eliminating (or reducing) fear of opinion of others (FOPO), I’m finding that I’m spending less time preoccupying myself with worry thoughts and spending less time anticipating what others may (or may not) think of me
Increased confidence that getting a divorce was the right decision – I’ve said this and I’ll say it again: the divorce has been the most painful and yet most awakening, profound, spiritual experience of my life, giving me a glimpse into not only the true nature of people — I admit that the criticisms of me have been true: I often give people too much the benefit of the doubt. With certain events unfolding over the weekend, I feel it even more in bones that I’m on the “right” path, my own path, practicing what my daughter says to me: “just being me.”
Experienced feelings of pride after two instances of sober dancing – I used to get crippling anxiety out of fear of embarrassing myself when dancing in front of others. Actually, digging into this deep, it was probably also (unjustified) shame about who I was. Fast forward to present day, I’m finding my ability to dance in social contexts without over-indexing on “what are people thinking of me”. This in itself is a victory and in Kit Laughlin’s words: “no victory too small to celebrate”
Highlights of the trip
Dance on Thursday Night: Class ➡️ Caravan
Despite dancing in a studio and participating in battles and jams, getting pulled into a cypher consisting of people (dancers and whatnot) in a new space absolutely terrified me and I enjoyed it because there were moments where I drew in multiple deep breaths to relax myself during the performance
Credit: @lishaatretton
Every time a (dance community member) friend from Seattle visits me in London, I invite them to join me at dance classes.
So far, I’ve the following individuals have visited me:
Kennedy – Stayed in my flat with me for about a week
Will – Went to two dance classes with me on Tuesday and Thursday and grabbed dinner and tea at Vauxhall’s Tea House Theatre
Pat (and Chandler) – Attended Jevan’s class with me on Thursday and then three of us ate dinner at Vauxhall market place
Mateus
That’s a total of 5 people in 5 months!
Each and every time I’m visited, my energy and spirits are lifted.
Vauxhall, dance class, being offered a churro and Caravan
And this past Thursday with Mateus: no exception. The two of us were able to survive one of the most physically demanding classes on Thursday night – the instructor Kashmire who was subbing for the instructor, Jevan — and following the evening, him and I (along with a new London dance friend named Aubrey) grabbed some dinner at Vauxhall marketplace.
The Vauxhall marketplace was surprisingly packed. I had walked up and down the market place several times searching for an empty table. In the end, I found a rather long table that was partially occupied with two groups, one group consisting of a young man (probably about 20 years old) eating in the corner by himself. I had noticed he was eating churros and commented that “I love churros! How is it? I’m probably going to go grab one myself.” His face lit up, said it was tasty, and then offered me some of his churro. Initially, I said that was so kind and thank you but I’ll purchase my own. However, in the moment, I had interpreted his offering as a gesture, a bid for connection. So I remained curious and followed up, “I really appreciate your offer and not sure if you’re just being polite. You sure I can have a piece of churro?” He quickly nodded. I thank the DBT skills that I’ve developed over the years to remain mindful, to check in with my emotions, and my (increased) willingness to sit with uncertainty and discomfort. After scarfing down one of his churros, that opened up the channels of communication between the four of us — me, my two friends, and this total stranger — and ultimately had a lovely conversation before he took off to head back towards South London.
Favorite moments at Caravan
Caravan is a monthly event curated by artists. The event itself attracts predominately dancers, musicians, singers — artists. I enjoyed going this particular evening especially since I attended along side Mateus and Aubrey.
In addition, all three of us — at different times — got pulled into the center of the dance floor, each of us dancing and freestyling. I loved witnessing both of them dance and can say that I was in both awe and proud of Aubrey because that was the first time (in about 5 months since I’ve known her) see her break a smile on her face while dancing. Whether or not she was feeling it or not, she conveyed a sense of joy during her performance. I felt it.
As for me, I was both anxious when I got called and drew in a couple deep breathes and “let go”, turning off the left side of my brain. I even was able to express musicality and hit the drums that were kicking in. Even though I dance in a studio, battle, the environment was different. Strangers. New Space. The environment completely changes the vibe and ultimately, it felt unfamiliar. I’m not the first to admit that the environment itself can alter the way one moves. In fact, I stumbled on an article describing catching the ghost and that academic paper talks about how other (very experience house dancer experts) share similar sentiments, that the space and crowd (i.e. “civilians”) play a role in one’s dance.
Clubbing at Fabric on Friday Night
(Re) Discovering I fail to whisper quietly
Apparently, I cannot whisper (quietly) and increasing self-awareness of my loud whispering voice. On Friday evening, Mateus and I were sitting next to one another on a bench located outside the night club (Fabric), each of us eating a sandwich. Then a group of beautiful women walked past by us and I wanted to signal Mateus to look and (in my head) thought that I was being subtle. However, Mateus burst out in laughter letting me know that my “yo yo yo” was the antithesis of being subtle and that I practically shouted those words out and if I was trying to be inconspicuous, I had failed.
There’s a discrepancy between what I sound like versus what people hear and this difference is a good example of self-awareness (or lack thereof).
Stopping by my daughter’s birthday party hosted by her mom
I experienced joy seeing Elliott light up at her birthday party. I experienced some grief. And ultimately, the visit itself served as a strong reminder that getting divorced from my ex was/is the best thing for me.
My ex had invited me to attend my daughter’s birthday that was going to be hosted by her and her family, the party taking place at her mom’s house. I had mentioned a numerous amount of times to my ex that I feel uncomfortable being in the same space as her, especially since (almost a year later since our initial official separation) we’re in the midst of a rather contentious divorce. Moreover, when the two of us are confined in a small space together, old behaviors and patterns and interpersonal interactions flare up, part of the reasons that drove us apart. I can only speak from my perspective that I want little to not interactions between my daughter’s mother however there are rare instances where I’m willing to be co-located in the same space, for my daughter.
I didn’t want to mask while I was attending at the party and at the same time, I had emotionally and prepared myself (to the best of my ability) for stepping into a situation where my ex is present with her new partner along with all my ex’s family members (e.g. brothers, parents, grand parents).
What I didn’t expect from the experience was bursting out into tears when her younger brother, Alex, asked me “How have you found the move to London?” I answered honestly and said, “It’s been so hard leaving friends and family behind. While I do love it here, I’m doing this predominately for Elliott.” Then I just started tearing up. It was a mix of how much I love my daughter so much and a moment of brief grief and sadness for the friends and family I left behind.
I really appreciate Mateus attending my daughter’s birthday party with me. After the party, I was still feeling emotional and his presence and validation that the energy in that space was “off” was validating.
I also recognized during the birthday party that after being with my ex for 6 years, I’ve formed and developed relationships with other people attending the birthday party, including her brothers, their brothers partners. Despite wanting to distance myself as much as possible from my ex, I became aware that I miss the relationships that I had formed with those others. I don’t maintain contact with them for various reasons. Chief among those reasons is that during the early stages of the divorce process, my ex would bring up my Instagram stories during our mediation despite me blocking her on social media. I figured she was getting her information from our mutual friends and family however I recognize while that is possible, the more likely scenario is that she was (or is) periodically checking my public Instagram (and YouTube) page.
Rest and Recovery (sort of) and visiting tourist attractions
I’ve lived in London now for 5 months and somewhat embarassingly admit that I have yet to tour any of the major tourist attractions. Seeing those landmarks are definitely beautiful and at the same time, I’ve never been drawn towards seeing those landmarks. Regardless, I did enjoy briefly visiting them with Mateus, the two of us seeing:
Buckingham palace
The London Eye
Big Ben
I threw in the towel at around 6pm and headed back to the flat before Mateus, allowing him to do more tourist things while I get some down time. When I had gotten home, I walked the dogs and then heated up a pizza and then baked us some vegan cookies (many folks who try out my cookies tell me that it’s some of the best cookies they ever eaten and that they don’t taste vegan: score).
I’m struggling to type this out because right now, my intestines are inflamed due an irritable stomach caused by 5 trips to the toilet in the last couple hours yesterday evening. Though in severe pain, I am grateful right now that Elliott has returned to her mother’s care — Elliott alternates weekends between her mother and — yesterday evening. I’m unsure what causes the back to back bowel movements. Was it under-cooked cookies? Was it accidentally touching raw meat (this has happened once before) because I recall my kitchen glove ripping in the midst of preparing the dogs food. Whatever it is, I’m in severe pain right now and practicing deep breathing. What’s surprising is that the pain increased beyond my threshold after I performed my stretching routine this morning; had my stomach been this upset when I first woke up, then there’s not a chance I would’ve been able spend almost an hour going through my flexibility routine.
Yesterday
Met up for a scheduled play date between Elliott and her (former) classmate – The girls played together (for about an hour) at a soft play. Elliott is becoming more and more independent and it’s bittersweet. I love playing with her AND I enjoy catching a break while she plays with her friends, allowing me to somewhat relax and just have an adult conversation with other parent(s)
Cooked Elliott lunch – she’s loves the taste bolognese pasta (literally she says “yummy”) so I keep a couple frozen tubs sitting in the freezer
Napped for an hour while Elliott watched a couple episodes of some show on Disney+
Watched Pokémon Episode 6 with Elliott before her mom picked her up
Today
Given my current upset stomach, I’m going to take it easy on myself. I will actually try and head back to the flat after lunch and take a nap, which tends to help these infrequently stomach flare ups.
Visit my honor guide and step through some administrative tasks – Respond to divorce lawyers emails, respond to property management emails
Update: As of 11:00 am, my piecing stomach/intestine pains have subsided. I’ve also relocated from Prét a manger to the Starbucks next door, since the WiFi speeds are substantially better here (for now)
Initially woke up at 4:00am and felt it was a bit too early so gently put myself back to sleep with a couple deep breathes. It’s now 5:18am and feel much more fresh. I have about an hour and 45 minutes (maybe less) before Elliott wakes up. As a single dad who has his daughter alternating weekends, I maximize my time with by giving her mostly my full attention, although there are moments where I need a few minutes to myself throughout the day, especially when there’s conflict between us (which is normal) and me taking a step back to inhale a few deep breathes gives just enough pause so that I can behave as a parent in a way that’s consistent with my long term values.
Yesterday
Woke up early yesterday and took advantage of the 90 minutes or so writing a daily review
Played slime with her and it was originally completely stuck to my hand before the slime activator kicked in
Before heading off to the festival, Elliott asked if we could practice her riding her bicycle. I’m continuing to use this technique that another parent suggested, where you wrap a sweater around their waist as to avoid having to bend your back the entire time. On Friday, I had used my very expensive sweater and regret doing that because that small amount of time wrapped around Elliott’s waist ended up stretching my sweater. So now I use a scarf.
Took Elliott to this AMAZING day festival
Elliott snapped a few photos of me with the digital single lens reflex (DSLR) camera and she already (like most kids, I would imagine) developing this creative perspective. I also was impressed and proud that a couple of the photos that she had taken were not blurry (like the featured image on this post)
I had setup the movie “Inside out 2” for Elliott on the projector while I stretched my quads for about 10 minutes, then joined her to watch before the two of us fell asleep
I felt so much love and joy at random moments yesterday, including her just coming up to me while I was walking towards the bathroom and then grabbed me, kissed me on the forehead and said, “I love you dad” and then nonchalantly walked away. She’ll never realize, or won’t realize for a long time until she’s much older, how much these little moments mean to me
Some of the stuff she says absolutely lights me up like, when I taught her yesterday what was “Come as you are”, a term from the house dance community, and she said, that kind of reminds her of “Become yourself” which to me, are strikingly similar.
Another favorite moment of mine was while we were at the daytime festival, the two of us were at a jewelry vendor and both trying on different rings. There’s several subtle, unobservable from the outside, things that I love about this moment. Though I felt the beginnings of anxiousness that Elliott, about to turn 5, would lose or knock over some rings, I just took a deep breath and practiced that even if she did, that happens to all of us. I quieted my mind, quieted my sensitive to people’s opinion, and continued on. At the same time, I recognize that not all little children are mature enough to be playing with jewelry and perhaps that might make the seller nervous but all turned out well and in the end, Elliott walked away with a toe ring (others were too small) wrapped out her cute little index finger
I felt a little disappointed in myself for a short period as a dad when it was lunch time and ordered us Indian food but it ended up being too spicy for Elliott and so she was hungry and because the lines were so long, I quickly got her a doughnut just to satiate her for a couple minutes (it’s not that nutritious) then stood in line for mac n’ cheese, which ended up being really really delicious (albeit expensive for a kid’s portion). Note to self: pack (more) snacks cause you never know when food lines are going to be wrapped out the corner and although as an adult I can wait, it must be challenging for little bodies who are not accustomed to the hunger sensation
After lunch, Elliott and I shared a delicious double scoop ice cream, mango on top, peppermint on the bottom (I remember this little detail because the presumable manager had directed the employee who was serving us to assemble the ice cream in that order). What I also loved about this little moment was that Elliott noticed that the cone they were about to scoop the ice cream on top of was not the colorful cone (that we had paid for) and she made it a point to tell them. I’m really proud that she speaks up for herself. At the same time, sometimes the way in which she delivers her message can be a bit jarring so part of my job as a dad is to both encourage her to speak up (an area I struggled with growing up) and at the same time, do so in a way that’s more receptive then just a stating a directive.
At the end of the daytime festival, on our way out, though we were both tired (and I was seeing if we could buy some time before heading to the Red Bull BC One breaking down the house event), I asked if she wanted to make her own T-Shirt at an arts and crafts tent. Not wanting to make assumptions, I walked up to the two staff working there and asked, “Can you explain how this works and does it cost anything?” I’m proud of myself because even these little types of interactions in the past used to give me social anxiety, sometimes the thought of “You should know better” voice in my head that probably came from a lifetime of being told that over and over from my parents (more particularly my father)
Felt a bit disappointed that we didn’t end up going to the Redbull BC One event because I really wanted to the (house dance) community compete and Elliott was so exhausted from being out all day that I wanted to honor and respect her wishes to go home
Today
Loose plans for Elliott to spend some time with an old classmate of hers, me and her classmate’s parents setting up a play date for the two girls
Elliott will be returning back to her mom at 5pm tonight
Like many others walking this earth, I am currently in a state of transition. The divorce (which started last November) is almost coming to an end (won’t be diving into it here since the topic itself deserves its own post) and I’m finding myself constantly asking the following two questions:
What do you want to do?
What do you NOT want to do?
As Kit Laughlin shared in his podcast interview, the latter question is just as effective. By practicing asking yourself daily, I believe that I’m inching myself towards (for lack of a better word) actualization.
At the moment, here’s what I don’t want to do:
Go back and work full time in technology – whether the role is a leadership role (VP of Engineering) or senior software engineer, I’d like to (if possible) work part-time, anywhere between 15-20 hours per week. With the remainder of time, I’d like to work on my own projects
Yesterday
Elliott after school pick up
“Dad, this is a great place to do a pistol squat” – this brought me so much joy because sometimes, when I’m out and about with her, I’ll practice a pistol squat and cannot believe that this stuck with her
She asked me to tell her (almost every day) more spooky stories
Proud of her when she used the word “bittersweet” – When I touched her hands, I noticed her skin was softer (she had what we thought was a genetic skin condition) and she told me that the medicine she’s taking makes her feel bittersweet and I was so proud of her usage of language (as a almost 5 year old) and asked her where she heard that word and she said, “You taught me Daddy”. I felt proud for both myself and her.
I fell asleep while watching Netflix with her – While watching Netflix Super Kitties TV show that I projected onto the ceiling, I fell asleep while laying next to her and woke up about 45 minutes later, just in time for her mom to pick her up
Continuing practiced teaching Elliott how to ride her (her words: adult) bicycle with two wheels. I’m treading the line between encouragement and pressuring since I do not want her feel like she “has to” learn how to ride a bicycle since I consider the activity right now a source of joy
Dance practice
Drilled the last 8 count steps from Ani’s class – heel toe, pivot heel toe, toe tap
Practiced Pas De Bourrée variations that I came up with, looping the certain parts of the movement, achieving a sort of flow state. I’m starting to feel more comfortable with leaning into my own creativity
Today
Mavinga responded to my inquiry regarding 1:1 private dance lessons and she stepped through my Google Document that outlines my dance goals
She said (in a kind way I feel) that she’ll train me military style, the same way she trains with her Belgian friends. I’m all in and excited at the opportunity. We are working out logistics right now
When she vocalized (in her own words) my goals, she said so you want to dance at a professional level. At first I felt a bit embarrassed, took a deep breathe in and, actually, yes, I do want to dance at a highest level: for me I’m not forcing or pushing myself. I am building a relationship with dance and curious as to if I can actualize the visions I have of me dancing
Stretched for about 30 minutes
Worked my lats
Yamuna ball for my chest and shoulders
Plans
Take a scheduled call with a tax attorney
Take a scheduled call with some executives from White Space, a company that I’m considering consulting for on a part time basis as a VP of engineering
Delete AWS Resources for my Crossbill account since I’ve seen bills come in at hundreds of dollars, resources that I’m not using. So just tearing down various resources that have been neglected
Attend Dance Class with Jevan at Base Dance studios at 5:30pm
Pick up groceries in Wimbledon (from M&S) since I have Elliott this weekend and she loves (just like me) bolongese with pasta
The last couple days at work have taken a toll on me emotionally. To lift me up, Jess used her arts and crafts skills to make a doll — made from Metric’s shedded hair (see featured image).
Family
Felt myself tear up when pushing Elliott in the stroller. The two of us were having a blast while walking the dogs at the local park this morning. With Elliott strapped into her stroller, I pushed her across the green grassy park, the two of us racing against our imaginary nascar opponents. Elliott had such a blast and there was a little wrinkle in her nose and she put on a wide smile. And in that moment, a tremendous amount of sadness poured over me — totally unexpected emotion. Suddenly I was reminded of my own child hood and how often I felt alone … I never want Elliott to feel that same way. Isn’t that the point of parenting? Making our children’s lives a little (or a lot) better than ours? It’s true when they say that your children will bring out your best and worst memories from childhood. And this was my first experience of own childhood creeping back into my parenting life … I wonder what’s in store for me in the future.
Work
Reviewed pull requests from multiple colleagues. As a project lead, I’m trying my best to divide my own time between implementing features while ensuring that the project makes forward progress.
Read through the description and lightly scanned all the outstanding pull requests against our code base. With 50+ developers working on the team, it’s nearly impossible to stay on top of what features are being developed. One way to stay in touch is to simply read through the pull requests that are coming through.
Finished filling out the threat model for a security review that I’m submitting. Many of the questions are unrelated to the feature that I’m launching.
Graduate School
Laid out the threading model that allows me and my project partner to use synchronous communication over gRPC while achieving asynchronous handling.
Writing
Published a blog post on how to build and easily test grpc service using a command line tool. After writing up the blog post that targets other students enrolled in my advanced operating systems course, I posted the link on Piazza and it was nice to see that my write up will assist other students, the entire point of me spending an extra 30 minutes writing the documentation.
