Matt Chung's Site

Author: mattchung

  • Gold nuggets on developing self confidence

    Developing confidence is an area that I naturally find myself gravitating towards. I find the whole topic fascinating and ironic because I feel confident in some areas in my life while feeling insecure in others.

    What’s up with that?

    Confidence: A non transferable skill and domain specific

    I recently finished a book titled “Mastery: The first rule of mastery: Stop worrying about what other people think” and currently working through (a library rented copy of) “How Confidence Works” by Ian Robertson. In “How Confidence Works”, Ian Robertson states that confidence is domain specific and that confidence itself is NOT transferable.

    In other words, just because you are confident in area A (e.g. dance) does not mean you are inherently confident in area B (e.g. public speaking). While it can be a trait, self-confidence has more to do with competence within a specific domain.

    For instance, you can be the most confident dancer, able to effortless dance in front of a large audience, and then feel absolutely unsure and insecure and terrified when it comes to dating! It follows that building confidence is a skill that is transferable across domains (more on this below — see Gold Nuggets below)

    All all that brings me to “paradox of rising expectations.”

    In a nutshell, when it comes to setting goals, an individual’s goal post continues to move. That is, what often happen is that once we reach out goal(s), here’s a natural tendency to set another (typically more ambitious) goal. It’s a recursive, infinite loop: set goal, achieve goal, set goal, achieve goal.

    Gold nuggets extracted from conversation with Jo-L

    I followed up with Jo-L over Instagram, sending him a few voice messages, asking him a few follow up questions. Here are some pearls of wisdom I extracted from the conversation:

    • “Confidence is a product of the effort ….”
    • “I’m not talking about the outcome…the outcome is a completely different story … I am putting myself in this position and I am trying. And that means no matter the outcome, I can try again. And I can go again. I am gaining confidence in the fact that I am putting myself in this position. And this is something that is transferable.”
    • “If I’m capable of putting myself here — of trying this out — I am capable of trying something new out. If I am capable of mastering this … then I have the capacity to master something else.”
    • “You’re not mastering the craft. You’re mastering yourself WITHIN the craft”
    • “Every single time you master yourself within the craft, you’re also learning a lot about yourself that’s going to be useful in the pursuit of mastering yourself within another craft.”
  • Vibing with Xinobi’s “Searching for” song

    Vibing with Xinobi’s “Searching for” song

    I’ve been listening — on repeat – to the song “Xinobi – Searching for”, one that was suggested by Spotify. It’s not only the melody and harmony but it’s the lyrics, the lyrics cause me to turn inwards, to introspect. Just so many beautiful lines including:

    • “It is about the mind. How it grows progressively. What do you feed it?”
    • “It is about choices much it is about decisions. But it is about having bravery and the strength to make those things come to fruition”
    • “… the past repeats itself. So how will you choose to repeat yourself…”

    Another reason I love this song is that this past weekend, Elliott out of the blue said, “What are you feeding your mind?”

    I was confused as to why she had said this and she responded with, “Dad, remember? The song?”

    I was blown away at her ability to recall the lyrics! So when I hear this song, I often think about Elliott and that little passing moment.

    Lyrics

    It is about what you feel, what you do
    How you choose to present yourself when the situation requires you
    It is about what you’re looking for, what you search for
    It is not about fulfillment, but it is about what is missing
    How do you improve? How do you progress?
    Are you searching?

    It is about the mind
    How it grows progressively
    What do you feed it?
    How do you cultivate the mind?

    It is about the galaxies and the stars
    But not so much about the moon as much as it is about you

    It is about choices much is it about decisions
    But it is about having the bravery and the strength
    To make those things come to fruition
    What is it you’re searching for?

    It is about a pause, a break
    A interruption in the transmission
    A stop in the space-time continuum
    A choice that you will always make
    A moment in being when you realize
    That you are what you are searching for
    So, I will ask: what is it you are searching for?

    It is about infinite tomorrows
    But is also about yesterdays and how the past repeats itself
    So how will you choose to repeat yourself in their lives?

    It is about now
    It is about then
    What is it you are searching for?
    What is it you are searching for?
    Is it the now? Is it the no? Is it the yes?
    Is it that subsequent “I love you” that you need?
    What is it you are searching for?
    What is it you are searching for?

  • On experiencing joy and love when watching my own recap videos

    On the days I don’t see Elliott (my beautiful 5 year old daughter), I often find myself (re)watching recap videos of us on my iPhone, short little clips that I stitch together to capture a moment in time, a snapshot aimed to honor our relationship (as well as share with some friends and family).

    Right now, I’m sitting at a café located near her school; I’m working remotely and just sent off a proposal for a 3 month engagement, now getting ready to grab a bite to eat before walking over to school to pick her up. And while watching the video below, I sensed a wave of calm and love and joy, these emotions washing over me.

    In this video clip, she’s sitting on my lap as I feed her pasta that I had picked up from M&S, the two of us singing along to Dua Lipa’s “Levitating” performance that’s taking place on Tiny Desk.

  • Human limits and the 40% rule

    I was on the phone yesterday with my sister and during our chat, she shared one of her beliefs: that we (as humans) can achieve whatever we set our mind to — that we were “limitless.” It’s a growth mind set, one that I myself subscribe to.

    Generally speaking, I agree with the spirit of her message and, at the risk of sounding like I missed the mark, I’ll add my own perspective: though each of us are born with our own set of unique limits and constraints, I believe that we operate far below our human potential.

    My opinion reminds me of an excerpt from a book I’m reading, a book on developing self confidence. The author shared one Navy Seal’s (who I later learned was David Goggins) position:

    He would say that when your mind is telling you you’re done, you’re really only 40 percent done. And he had a motto: If it doesn’t suck we don’t do it. And that was his way of forcing us to get uncomfortable to figure out what our baseline was and what our comfort level was and just turning it upside-down

    In other words, when we feel like throwing in the towel, we probably have a lot more to give.

    Recently, I started training with Mavinga on leveling up my house dance. And unlike other 1:1 privates that I’ve done, she starts off our lessons with (what I consider) fairly vigorous exercises and she programs them into intervals. At the tail end of some rounds, I find myself completely gassed out, the look on my face conveying that I’m reading to throw in the towel. Practically every time she sees my facial expression melt into despair, she shouts in her French accent: “Allez Allez — let’s go let’s go. It’s in your mind.”

    When I hear those words, I get a burst of motivation and push and somehow always end up coming out the other side. With the above Navy Seal’s “40% rule” in mind, I wonder if — during the moments of despair — if I am operating at even a lower percentage, like 20 or 30%!

    Of course there’s a fine line to walk. I do not want to push myself to the point of physical injury. However, I feel fairly confident and safe to push myself when I’m feeling muscle fatigued or out of breathe.

  • Photography patience

    Photography patience

    I was gifted a Canon DSLR when I was about 16. I remember being so eager to take “beautiful photos”. I remember purchasing a couple DVDs, my hope then was that after an hour or two I could begin taking photos that were similar to the ones that I admired. But quickly I found out that after setting the mode to manual, the photos were overexposed, blurry — not at all what I had envisioned. Shortly after, I gave up and more or less never really picked the camera back up, my frustration getting the best of me.

    Fast forward to today, 20 years plus later, I’m resetting my expectations and my relationship with the craft of photography and mindset has changed. I actually don’t think I’ll capture “good” photos for many years to come. I’m a beginner and there’s going to be a phase of years where I have good taste, but lack the technique:

    I recognize there’s so much to learn. As of now, I’m hearing the following phrases pop up a lot. I’m watching YouTube videos (had signed up for a course that unfortunately was cancelled the day before it started):

    • Composition
    • Aperture
    • F-Stop
    • Exposure
    • ISO
    • White balance

    This is at the very tip of the iceberg. I’m certain there is a voluminous amount of knowledge for me to acquire.

    Also, at 36, I’m recognizing that so much of how I want to spend my days is more or less interests I’ve had since I was a young boy. For example, dance. I love dancing when I was about 10 or 11 and 25 years later, here I am, honing the craft, taking two dance classes a week, practicing on evenings when I’m alone and don’t have my daughter to look after.

    Anyways, I digress.

    Ultimately, through photography and other mediums (including video) I want to continue story telling.

  • Daily Review – November 6th, 2024

    Daily Review – November 6th, 2024

    I’m winding down for the night, in the bed with my Macbook Pro, and just before drafting up this blog post, I snapped a few photos with my DSLR to practice my photography skills. I was really looking forward to taking this 5 week photography course. I was looking forward to it and disappointed that I’m no longer going to be taking this class. On the other hand, my routine of taking house dance classes on Thursday night continues!

    So above, I set the featured image to a photo I had snapped this evening. This picture is the result of using “Manual” mode on my DSLR, me practicing playing with the various parameters including F-Stop, Shutter Speed, Exposure.

    Today

    • Stretched in the morning – today’s routine (of my custom block I programmed for myself) consisted of targeting the calves and ankles (really really challenging and particularly painful), followed by some squat exercises
    • Took the 93 bus to Wimbledon and then posted a quick Instagram story, sharing a screenshot of Apple Notes – I had shared a funny situation I witnessed while on the bus, one between a father sending empty threats to his 4 year old son, only for the son to call his dad’s bluff
    • Opened up a ticket with AWS Support – I am consulting for a company in the UK and after unblocking them on an issue they’ve been stuck on for 3 weeks, I decided to wrap up the engagement by finding a long term solution to an AWS Amplify issue that’s preventing them from using the latest version of the AWS Amplify command line interface (CLI)
    • Picked up Elliott from school at 2:00pm – because the weather suddenly got cold, I was way under dressed so we went back to my flat to pick up a jacket. Since we had some time to kill, I set her up with her sticker book that we had picked up this past weekend and then we watched “Sing Thriller”, a show she said she saw advertised on Netflix. Elliott and I used to watch the movie “Sing” all the time when she was an infant.

  • Stretch Log

    Day 173 of stretching and flexibility journey

    Date: November 5th, 2024

    Target muscles: hamstrings

    During the hamstring (lunge) exercise, I hold and prop myself with my arms, my tummy constantly making contact with my (target) thigh. I notice that when I try to deliberately relax my upper body and arms, the intensity of the hamstring stretch violently increases. As I type this, I think this makes sense since during relaxation of upper my body, I’m probably shifting the work onto the hamstrings. In any case, I was reflecting on today’s session and was curious and compare yesterday’s lunge range of motion compared to that of 2 months ago and though I know and feel a difference in my body, seems to me that the increase range of motion is probably a few small degrees. I will say I do notice what I consider for me significant gains in the hip flexor range of motion and as a result, I’m inching my way closer and closer to a forward split.

    Also, still trying to experiment with the forward fold — emphasizing hamstring, not lower back — and by hinging at the hips, though I still feel the stretch strongly in my hamstrings, I also now feel the stretch not in my lower back, but towards the middle. And, even with the assistance of the band wrapped around my feet, I’m not fully able to relax in the stretch and feel that hinging in the hips requires more “effort” of the hips, and I actually produce a sweat every time I attempt the forward fold.

    Separately, yesterday my body signaled to me that during the hamstring lunge, to point the toes since that increased the stretch for me in location of the hamstring that isn’t targeted when I am flexing my foot back.


  • Conveying one’s dance musicality ability with gestures

    Like many others, I watch and study lots of house dance videos. I’m still very much a beginner when it comes to the craft — at the time of this writing, about 14 months into the journey — however I’m noticing an increased ability within myself to tease out what highly skilled dancers are trying to convey in their rounds. Because I recently started training privately with Mavinga, I’m leveraging the opportunity by attempting to analyzing her videos and then coming up with questions that I can ask her since it’s rare and a wonderful opportunity to sit with the person and have them articulate what they were doing in a particular round. In particular, I like the below video (hopefully YouTube skips to the specific time frame I embedded in the URL) where Mavinga catches a particular phrase in the music and then (I think) signals to the battle opponent that he missed an opportunity to play with musicality or perhaps she’s trying to convey something along the lines of “Did you hear that? Maybe not.” It’s playful.

  • A little bit of grief, a dose of sadness

    A little bit of grief, a dose of sadness

    Elliott is and continues to blossom into a beautiful little girl. Today, the two of us spent the afternoon playing with slime, drawing characters from the movie “Inside Out 2”, then I wrapped up the evening with reading her two children’s books that I had purchased for her, books that happen to revolve around a little girl who is growing up with two homes (i.e. her current situation).

    As shared in the (below) video’s text, today I was unexpectedly hit with a wave of grief while music was playing in the background, the song “The Lumineers – Stubborn Love.”

    Elliott and I were sitting at the kitchen table, the two of us drawing (an activity we do often), when this song was automatically played by Spotify, a song that my ex-wife and I used to listen to. And memories of our family unit lit up in my head. The power of music. A song can instantly teleport me to specific moments that I’ve buried in the back of my head.

    Though I momentarily felt sadness, I at the same time reminded myself that I am actually happier now that I’m divorced, living a more authentic life. In addition, I was crying not only for myself, but grieving for Elliott as well. I vowed years ago — long before Elliott was born — that I would put in the work, to guarantee, to ensure, that she would never experience her parents divorcing. And yet, here I am. Here we are. The universe: it was written.

    This whole divorce process has been emotionally challenging for her: how could it not? Divorce impacts the parents, the children, the extended families. There’s a ripple effect.

    Although part of it me has thoughts of shielding her from negative emotions, I believe that part of my job as her dad is to show her fragments of the truth, fragments of the reality of life, overtime, and hold space and care and attention for her to process — to feel — the emotions. Overtime, I believe, she becomes more and more resilient.

    Sharing some (what I consider) age appropriate truths is essential for Elliott however this is one (of many) areas where her mother and I disagree. For instance, when the cat died this past year, Jess had texted me, telling me to “not tell Elliott.” I had replied via email, telling Jess I felt that we are doing a disservice to Elliott, not allowing her to grieve and instead, making up a story that the cat is lost, giving her a false sense of hope. This is one of the many instances that remind me that Jess and I hold different philosophical parenting beliefs.

    Upwards and onward.

  • Stretching and Flexibility Log

    I’m still feeling a little under the weather, my throat feeling a bit when swallowing, the discomfort starting Sunday evening when I got home from an event.

    I programmed my current block 6 weeks ago and today I’m on the second day, which focuses on hamstrings and quadriceps.

    I’m definitely pushing myself a bit with stretching because today, after the session, I feel sore up in the upper hamstring, right below my buttocks, predominately on my right leg. The increased soreness might also have to do with the fact now that the forward fold I’m practicing is not less of an anterior chain stretch, less of a stretch of the lower back and more emphasis shifting to the hamstrings.

    Today I also wore knee pads while performing the lunge. Unsure what’s going on but on the target leg (i.e. back leg), when the is pressed against the hardwood floor, the hard surface — even with the Pilates mat — creates excessive discomfort, shifting focus away from the quadriceps.

    This past weekend (which was full of dance due to a 3.5 hours of dancing at a party, 3 hours of intense workshops, followed by a competition), I started feeling pain when bending my right knee and what’s interesting is that the pain was located in a place that I’ve never experienced before. Historically, I would get “IT Band” pain when squatting, the sharp pain location BEHIND the knee cap, in the hamstring. However, for the first time in my life, the pain (a different sensation, more of a “too much volume” pain) is above the knee cap (picture below).

    Although I was in pain (to the point of considering taking an Advil, which I rarely take, the last time a few years ago when I broke both my hands/wrists in a motorcycle crash), I was somewhat curious and excited; I wasn’t feeling pain the same chronic area. Although I could be wrong, I had the thought that because I am moving my body differently in my dance (partially due to freeing some restrictions via stretching), my body is compensating differently. It feels like a growth opportunity, actually.